WWY or your dh do.....

Posted: Thu, Feb 23 2012, 11:15 am Post subject: WWY or your dh do.....

We live in a fairly small community where everyone lives within around a 5 minute driving distance of each other. Walking however from end to end is closer to 35 minutes. Now heres my question.. ( amother only because I've just discussed this with several people)

My dh usually drives to work, on occasion he takes a bus so that he won't have to pay for parking. When he takes the bus it drops him off about a 20 min walk from my house but the drive time is under 3 minutes. There is no bus that he could take to get closer to my house so he usually gets a ride or I pick him up. The bus drops him off in the heart of the frum area and he's never once had trouble finding a ride home, he normally asks whoever he sees with a car whether theyre driving towards my side of town and they usually even if they not heading in that direction take him anyway because at most it's 5 minutes out their way. If there's no one around I go pick him up.

Last night he got to the stop at 715, since I was putting my baby to sleep I asked him to please find ma ride. He asked a frum guy he saw where he was heading and when my dh responded the guy told him to just take a bus. Since there is no bus it wasnt exactly an option for my dh and he mentioned that. The guy then walked into a nearby store, shopped a bit, walked out around 10 min later, looked at my dh still standing there, and just ignored him.
My dh is a diamond dealer so hes a pretty clean cut guy, very well dressed, yarmulke, respectable looking. The whole drive would've taken 5 minutes tops if you got stuck at the one traffic light between the stop and my house. I could understand if the guy was in a rush and I have no idea whether or not he was but to my dh he looked like he was very relaxed, not rushing around or anything. I ended up waking my baby up and going out to get him, I hate when he walks home when it's dark because he nearly always has goods on him.

So wwyd? Would you go 5 minutes out of your way for someone? If it was a frum guy would you take him? ( I ask this because he asked a frum woman for a ride and she looked horrified. I told him that I probably wouldn't have given a strange guy a ride either frum or not and he agreed with me that he completely didn't expect it). What would your husband do? The guy lives here because he knew exactly where my dh was heading so he knew that it was a couple minutes out of his way. Would your husbands have gone out of their way for someone they wouldn't know?

Posted: Thu, Feb 23 2012, 11:19 am Post subject: re: WWY or your dh do.....

Op here- my dh btw is way more Dan lekaf zchus than me. Laughing

I was just very annoyed that I had to wake my baby up. He said there could be a million different reasons why the guy wouldn't take him and he was so fine with it. I was just curious what everyone here would do.

Posted: Thu, Feb 23 2012, 11:26 am Post subject: re: WWY or your dh do.....

My dh drives a kid home from dd's school every day, because the dad is a divorced dad (no money to pay someone) and has no car and it takes close to two hours by bus. It makes the time longer by much more than 5 mins for dh!
_________________

"You will have many many children and make successful shidduchim beh", rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me

Posted: Thu, Feb 23 2012, 11:35 am Post subject: re: WWY or your dh do.....

I'm completely baffled why your dh does not walk the 20 minutes. I would hate asking for rides, so I would rather walk that distance, unless someone offered me a ride.

Posted: Thu, Feb 23 2012, 11:36 am Post subject: re: WWY or your dh do.....

Not sure what Ruchel's story (driving a little child home when you know the family) has to do with whether or not you would offer a ride to a stranger....

I think the OP is overreacting. 7pm is not late at night so most grown men can safely walk at that hr. What do they do Friday ngiht after shul? The man didn't know your husband had diamonds on him and didn't want to walk with them in the dark. I would never give a stranger a ride, frum or not. If we had a mutual friend or something then that's diff. but just someone on the street I've never seen before? Sorry, frum or not, I wouldn't do it.

Posted: Thu, Feb 23 2012, 11:42 am Post subject: Re: re: WWY or your dh do.....

Posted: Thu, Feb 23 2012, 11:47 am Post subject: re: WWY or your dh do.....

OP asked about giving from one's time.

Gold Member Joined: Mar 23 2007 Posts: 1877 Location: NY

Maybe the guy with the car had diamonds in it and didn't want to invite a stranger into his car. Wink

I don't offer rides to people I don't know.
_________________
I'm not the popular Mama Bear. I'm "the other one."

Platinum Member Joined: Nov 04 2008 Posts: 7928

20 minute walk? Just do it.
_________________
We must love one another or die.

Diamond Member Joined: May 10 2010 Posts: 3006

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 18 2010 Posts: 3031

I would neither offer nor take rides from strangers, no matter how frum they look. It's not that hard for a person with malicious intentions to put on a kippah and tzitzis...

Posted: Thu, Feb 23 2012, 12:02 pm Post subject: re: WWY or your dh do.....

Thank you Ruchel, that's exactly my point. Yes my dh was perfectly capable of walking the 20 minutes and has no problem doing it. The reason he was still there 10 minutes later was because he got a phone call and was finishing it up before he started walking. Yes they couldn't have known that he had stones on him. I'm not overreacting about the grown man walking home, his friend was jumped and held up at gunpoint recently and since then he's been very careful, the area he walks through is very dark, and can be unsafe at times. That's not really the point though.
The point is whether or not you or your husband would give someone a ride if they asked.

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3557

I agree with the other people on here. I'd feel badly, but I wouldn't give a ride to a random stranger. I also wouldn't wake up my baby when my dh could just walk back.

It wasn't an hour walk. Twenty minutes is normal. If he can find a ride, great. But if not, just walk, right?

Silver Member Joined: May 18 2011 Posts: 620

I think it depends on the community. Where I live, a lot of Jews take the train into work and the train station is walking distance for where I live, (about 5-7 min walk) but would take a good 20-30 min walk to get to the other side of town.

I only offered rides to people I know (men and women) or people I recognize, but a couple times, a frum person (man or woman) saw me walking out of the train station and offered me a ride anyway, even though I live close enough that it's not a big deal. I only would ask people I know well because I just don't want to inconvenience people, but all the Jewish men are constantly offering rides to each other and it's not weird at all. I would expect my husband to offer an obviously Jewish person a ride, even if they declined, just because it seems like the right thing to do.

However, if we lived in a bigger community, I'm not sure how I'd feel. If it's truly a 5 min drive away, I would just pick him up, even if it's annoying and I definitely wouldn't be upset if someone declined a ride because it's a favor, not an obligation.

Gold Member Joined: Mar 23 2007 Posts: 1877 Location: NY

But OP, giving of one's time to someone you know, a child at your own kid's school, is completely different than giving of your time to a strange male at night. I take other kid's home from school on a weekly basis. Moms randomly call me and I do it happily. But if I was at a bus stop and there was a stranger asking for a ride, I would think twice.

Posted: Thu, Feb 23 2012, 12:08 pm Post subject: re: WWY or your dh do.....

Wow I was expecting compeletely different reactions. The point once again was not whether or not he should've walked, like I said he has no problem doing it. The community I live in a quite small and most people know each other, he would definitely give someone a ride and he has whenever he has his car with him he offers even if he doesnt know them Have we as a society become so paranoid that even your husbands won't give a ride to someone they don't know? That we view every person with suspicion?

Diamond Member Joined: May 10 2010 Posts: 3006

I only give rides to people I know.

Posted: Thu, Feb 23 2012, 12:11 pm Post subject: Re: re: WWY or your dh do.....

Posted: Thu, Feb 23 2012, 12:11 pm Post subject: re: WWY or your dh do.....

A stranger is a stranger, kippah or not. OP, I think your overthinking this.

Gold Member Joined: Mar 23 2007 Posts: 1877 Location: NY

So your solution should be to budget for parking his car so he doesn't have to take the bus. Cut back in another area. Problem solved. Or he can try to formally carpool with someone else who works near him.