Explaining "bi'ah" to ds in yeshiva ketana

Diamond Member Joined: Sep 16 2007 Posts: 4185

I never understood why they teach kedushin to a teenager but that's the way it is. so ds came home and said that the boys asked the teacher all sorts of questions and he didn't know how to answer. meanwhile they're all confused and don't even understand what could be causing the confusion.

I don't feel that this should go on but I'm not sure how much to answer myself.
(dh is not at all in the picture.)
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I think you should call up his teacher, and tell him since he knows what material he is going to be teaching, he should consult with someone the best way to explain it all. Sorry, this is unacceptable - the teacher obviously knew what he'd be asked and he should have been prepared.
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Diamond Member Joined: May 10 2010 Posts: 3026

Possibly the rebbe expected the boys to just make the connections in their brains, and not actually ask. but it is his responsibility to clarify if there are questions on what he teaches.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 18 2010 Posts: 3040

Shalhevet had it right. You know it's going to come up in the gemara, you know you're teaching sheltered boys who don't know these things, you have to be prepared to answer questions. As for no DH, is there an uncle or grandfather he can talk to? While you can certainly fill the role if need be, it is better for a boy to have a man to talk to.

The rebbe should have been prepared for the questions but I think the OP should answer them herself because then she knows her son is getting appropriate, open honest answers that are relevent to his specific questions.

Active Poster Joined: Feb 04 2012 Age: 35 Posts: 77

this a very sensitive issue and greatly depends on the environment the DS is growing in
in the chassidishe circle it should not be explained
this starts a secret spreading from boy to boy without their mentors knowledge and they don't get the necessary support and guidance understand it in a healthy fashion
in this circle if you want to help your son let your husband speak with the mashgiach or teacher they have ways to explain it in a very vague way

Gold Member Joined: Nov 16 2010 Posts: 1439

I wonder if the teacher started teaching it and realized after getting many questions that it was over their heads? but yes either wayy it sounds very odd he should def have had the correct answers beforehand!

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 12 2010 Posts: 5799

I also cannot understand it why teenage boys have to learn it...and whats more is if the teacher cannot explain it on their level he shouldn't be teaching it.

I agree with other posters, I would call the teacher and discuss it with him.
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I don't think chassidishe yeshivos teach those mesechtos, but I could be wrong....

My son learnt this in Kita Ches. He, also came to me to explain it. B"H he was learning with a tutor, who told him that it means that the husband brings his new wife into their home.

Active Poster Joined: Feb 04 2012 Age: 35 Posts: 77

you can also say that he lay with her - as most pesukim about marriage are explained.
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Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7257

You really think an 8th grader should not be told what it really means? Why?

I don't know about boys, but when I was in 7th grade, we learned in Navi about Avshalom.
The teacher said: He took each of his father's wives into a tent and lived with her the way a husband lives with his wife.
We were all Rolling Eyes

although I can understand why she said it that way.
A few months later another teacher was teaching something similar and she translated it as "he slept with her." I think we liked that translation better.

Active Poster Joined: Feb 04 2012 Age: 35 Posts: 77

Silver Member Joined: Oct 27 2010 Posts: 798

I will never forget in 10th grade when we were learning about the Isha Sotah in Chumash. My teacher kept saying "lived" with. When my friend read the passuk she translated what she read directly and said "lay" and my teacher corrected her!!!! Way to bring attention to something that you were trying to avoid!