Leave child alone with therapist?

When my dd had a one-on-one interview with a male psychologist, I requested that the door be left open a crack. The psychologist thought that it was an unusual request, but besides potential safety issues, there was a yichud issue as well. I was not able to see or hear what was going on in the room, because the location of the waiting room was down the hall. There were people walking past that door pretty constantly, however, so it served my purpose in preventing yichud and adding an additional level of safety.

If the psychologist had been female and the meetings had been ongoing, rather than a one-time thing, I am not sure that I would have insisted on having the door open a crack. It does seem that therapists and similar professionals are putting themselves at some risk of false accusations if they are regularly secluded with minors, besides the risk to the children.

Executive Member Joined: Nov 08 2011 Posts: 260

Can you find a psychologist with a one way mirror similar to the ones used in shul's (ie. the women see in the men can't / the parents see in the child and therapist can't)?

Senior Member Joined: May 18 2010 Posts: 211

Interesting idea about the one way mirror, but problematic. I would imagine the child would not want mother watching. If she were to do it without his knowledge, and then he found out... well, let's just say I think a whole lot more therapy would be necessary at that point. Anyway, it sounds like he has already established a connection with this therapist, so it's not the best time to go shopping for another therapist.

OP, until what age do you think it's necessary not to leave him alone with an adult?

I would think that a scheduled therapy appt with the mother sitting outside in the waiting room, or outside the door if you prefer, is probably not the best venue for a perp. Not impossible, nothing's impossible. But not likely. I woud think that if your son feels comfortable enough with the therapist to want to talk with him privately, then that is a good sign. You just have to weigh your options, and, as others have said, try not to let your fears get communicated to your child. Although, maybe you do want to just remind him that therapy is for talking and not touching, and be sure the therapist knows you feel that way too. I think most therapists these days are super cautious not to engage even in innocent touching like hugging etc, but it's worth mentioning.

Group therapy might be another option.

Posted: Wed, Dec 14 2011, 3:59 am Post subject:

I'm in agony with you on this one. Just wanted to let you know. I love that you got some real validation and support and ideas. None so far seem easy though. My therapist would say, give him the tools and then let go. We can't be there all the time. This is a risky situation. But life is risky. Teach the children, empower them, and keep communication open.

I made a deal with my boys, both of whom were molested, that if anything ever happens again (which they insist wont ever happen again, because now they understand this issue) that they will seek help from me or another adult and not try to solve it themselves or keep it inside and secret. I've discussed scenarios (which is what I would do regarding the client-therapist relationship), and they agreed to consider a plan of self-protection. I also explained that we can trust and enjoy people, but if things turn weird, then you've got to deal with it.
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black sheep wrote: Trauma doesn't ruin lives; never recovering from trauma ruins lives.

Op again:

I really appreciate everyone's input. I am still trying to decide how to handle it. In a way there is the thought that I should do what I feel is right and say something about leaving the door open, but I can see from other's reactions here that that might be seen as me being overbearing. Something tells me to still go with my instincts (although they are not at all directed at this particular therapist, just the idea of leaving him alone in general).

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 12 2007 Posts: 20496

OP I would never have thought of this, but it makes me realize what a sad world we live in. I hope you can figure it out. Other than empowering the child and being sure he can react appropriately if there is cause, there doesn't seem to be a way to make therapy work properly and at the same time put your mind at ease. Also, these suspicions can be transferred to children which in itself is problematic. What a world!
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The future simply isn't what it used to be....

The idea of transferring our fears onto our children will be minimized if we own our feelings to our children. When we explain that 'mommy's worry all the time' and this is another worry of ours, and it doesn't mean it will ever happen, etc, but just, lets have a plan just in case, the same way we have a plan for a fire, for what to do if you miss the bus, or if I'm not home when you get there, etc, etc. For kids who've already experienced trauma, it is much easier to be open, esp on this issue, because when the worst has already happened, unfortunately you don't have to explain 'what could happen'. Now you may just have to make a plan to deal with it better this time.

For overprotective moms, like me, this childhood business is so painful. I was always very protective and my boys got molested anyway. And the biggest regret on my oldest boy was our lack of communication, and it took him years to tell. My younger son and I had open communication, and although it was very difficult for him to express what had happened (because I never taught personal safety and zex ed), he told me within a relatively short time, a few weeks later instead of years.

For you wonderful moms who have great communication abilities, just talk to your kids. Education is prevention. One very common tactic that perps use is 'let me teach you something that you don't know about' which is zex.