Moody young adults/teenagers

Posted: Sun, Dec 04 2011, 8:00 pm Post subject: moody young adults/teenagers

I know I cant be in this boat alone but my senior in high school hates me one day and loves me the next. On the days she hates me she makes mince meat out of me. She feels I dont care about her, dont buy her things, just I dont do or the say the right thing. Dont wear the right clothes Im sure u get the picture. On the good days she is a caring nice young women. Im hurt and sad when she gets to be the mean girl. I dont know what I do wrong. I try so hard as hard as I tried for my other girls when they were her age. I know it is a hard time to go through but I don't remember being this hurt by all the mean things that are said to me.

Platinum Member Joined: May 07 2008 Posts: 8963

It's not you; it's your dd and there is little you can do but endure until she outgrows this stage. She's trying to become her own woman, and to do that she has to separate herself from you. she still depends on you for a lot and wants and needs the security of having you at her back, but at the same time she resents the fact that she needs you and wants to prove she doesn't.

You shouldn't tolerate out and out insolence, but try to ignore her nastiness if it doesn't cross the line. It's born more out of dissatisfaction with herself than anything else. Your older dds may have been less confrontational, but even so your dd's behavior sounds normal for her age. She's not her sisters and she may be more volatile than they are in general. Also, being younger, she may feel she has even more to prove than they did.

Be glad that in between times she's still loving. Some girls withdraw from their mothers and shut them out entirely. At least when she's loving it should be possible to show her that you're supportive and aren't rejecting her.

This, too, shall pass.

Posted: Mon, Dec 05 2011, 3:03 am Post subject: re: moody young adults/teenagers

right there with you. This morning I had not even washed negel vasser when one dd decided to attack for me letting her younger sibs eat her yoghurts (her??? I pay for them!) I offered more money for her to run to the store (which is 1.5 minutes away) but not good enough.
Every time the doors slams, with no 'goodbyes', or she calls me to tell me 'all her friends tell her "I" must have a problem'. Or its my fault she has no nice clothes.
I have pointed out that her words are hurtful, especially when 5 minutes later they are followed by "hey mom, can I have some money for boots?"
Just have in mind her hormones are running wild and its hard for her to be so grown up and so dependent together at the same time.
And just take one day at a time - teenagers are not easy - they are by far my greatest challenge thus far.

Posted: Mon, Dec 05 2011, 3:44 am Post subject: re: moody young adults/teenagers

Thank you so much for your responses.I am feeling so low probly as low as I could fee. I try so hard to be the mother she wants to have and it seems like I always fail. Someone else s mother act better,dresses better is nicer oh I dont know. I feel I am always there for them.For all my other girls that are grown now I was always busy with the babies...now I have no babies and Im still not doing enough.Im older Im tired and Im so stressed out from not doing the right thing in their eyes. My life revolves around them. Their schedules their babysitting jobs their homework...its all for them. Yes I work full time and so does my husband but I am lucky enough to work while they are at school so they cant even resent that.When they come home I am all theirs. I try to do all the things we were taught when we had little kids...give them time, dont talk on the phone during super time. listen to them talk .understand their feelings...but it seems that whatever I say or do if it is good enough it is good for the moment and that is just that the moment. HELP......

all I can say is moody moody moody. Today she is my best daughter...loving caring driving car pools helping in the house I dont get it. I am drained...because I know if I say or look the wrong way at her she will turn into a cat...ouch help....

Gold Member Joined: Oct 10 2010 Posts: 1580

As zaq said it. She's separating from you, a phenomenon that must happen before she gets married. She still needs you, yet hates needing you.

An adult with this behavior would've long been thrown into a therapist's office. At this age it's 100% normal.

Just keep it cool. Don't take it personally, thus providing an environment that enables her to outgrow it. Getting insulted and arguing feeds the behavior.

Hatzlocha

Beginner Joined: Jun 07 2012 Posts: 6

I learnt a great tip for moody hormonal teens.
have selective hearing- we dont always have to reply to these comments.doing so often turns the conversation into a table tennis match!
you can have selective hearing and ignore or let it pass.

Senior Member Joined: Oct 16 2011 Posts: 229

I could use some advice as well. When my teenage dd is in her moods, she lets it out on her younger sister. I don't know how to handle that. I feel sooo bad for my 8 yr. old dd, getting the brunt of her sister's anger. I feel like there is a yelling match in my house, almost daily.

My teens always behave better in other people's homes, so I propose a trade. Anyone?

Just btw op, you are not describing anything unusual. It's her job in life to make you feel not good enough, not pretty enough, not fashionable enough, and anything else you want to add, I live it every day as well.
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Let your fellow's honor be as dear to you as your own and do not anger easily (Pirkei Avos/t)