When a Yid extends credit...YOU PAY THEM BACK!

Gold Member Joined: Dec 24 2009 Posts: 2433

Okay, so I'm the first to admit that I spent the majority of my 20s fiscally irresponsible. I've spent most of my 30s cleaning up my messes.

When my ex abandoned us and left me and my kids high and dry (very dry to the tune of over $15000 of debts I didn't know about), I had one child in a specific playgroup and another on her way in to playgroup. I paid the playgroup morah as much as I could for as long as I could. At a certain point, there really wasn't any more money. I had already moved the older one into headstart, and was thinking to move the younger one into headstart, when the Morah told me to just pay her when I had the money.

That was five years ago. My daughter eventually did outgrow playgroup and moved into headstart, but not until after she was with that morah for another year and a half. After she left playgroup, I continued to pay the Morah $25 a week.

I paid and paid and when the weeks happened that I didn't get child support and I couldn't send the check I called an apologized that I couldn't pay at that time but would send as soon as I got the support.

So it's five years later, and I am very close to being done. BH! I called the Morah last night to finalize our numbers, and she kept thanking me for making payments to her, for being good to my word and sending her the money. I told her when we started with the weekly payments and again last night, "It might take me until she gets to the chuppah, but I will finish paying you what I owe."

This is a morah with a staff, and expenses, and everything else, in addition to a family to support, children to marry off, etc.

She was so grateful; I was embarrassed. She said unfortunately she couldn't count how many times people have promised to pay, and then didn't! Their child aged out and they never paid her again. I asked her, so why don't you just tell them they can't bring until they pay up? And she said that she doesn't have the heart to do that to the children in playgroup. And honestly, she really means it. She loves those kids SOOOOOOOO much.

So I don't get it - if someone lends you money, why do people choose not to pay? Even if it's $5 every so often, or even just a phone call to say - I can't right now but I know I owe you the money and I will repay you eventually.

I pay everything in small amounts. It might take me forever, but I'm trying to take care of my debts.
_________________
I'm a post-modern liberal yekke quasi-Chardal Lubavitch baal teshuva trapped inside the body of pale fat Jewish lady with no neck. Very Happy

I agree with you. You are being very correct in your approach to repaying the morah what you owe. Like you say, a lot of people don't! It's not correct, although we must still be dan lekaf zechus, however hard and ridiculous it may seem to us.

On a positive note, and to give you some positive hope and belief in am yisroel:
My husband was recently in a position where he was able to lend $10,000 to a "friend". This man has paid back all the money at the promised date (or earlier) so far. Boruch HaShem. I must be honest, I didn't think my husband would get that money back so quickly and without hassle, but I'm happy to say that I was wrong.

There are more ehrilche and upright yidden out there. Know how much your honesty in paying back means to your lender!

Executive Member Joined: Feb 06 2008 Posts: 318

What you did was great! More people should act they way you are acting. You are setting a great example for your children!

Active Poster Joined: Nov 21 2011 Posts: 80

what a great role model for us all. thanks for sharing

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 06 2008 Posts: 5149

On a number of occasions when we were late paying people in the community for things and felt embarrassed about it, when we finally did pay we were surprised at the gratitude they showed.
We were told by one of them "if only all my clients were like you when it came to payment"
boy was I surprised!
...and saddened

Posted: Tue, Nov 22 2011, 7:00 am Post subject:

Why just a Yid? How about, when ANYONE extends you credit?
_________________
Emmanuel Tzvi: 26 Shevat 5766
Shai Michael: 8 Cheshvan 5768
Yitzchak Meir: 19 Iyar 5770
Dvir Aharon: 10 Tammuz 5772

unfortunately it doesn't always work like this

we had a gmach for money
we closed it as we had to run after and beg for the payment and lost a lot of money that people couldn't pay back

I don't understand it but it's unfortunate as now we won't lend to others either after too many bad experiences
(and enemies just because we nudged for our money back way after the time we gave it)

Marion, I was JUST about to ask that as well.
_________________
Life is Good!

It's something I can't understand either. Why wouldn't you pay what you owe? I'm glad there are people like you Aidel.

When I was a teenager, I ran a daycamp in my mother's house. I charged $200 for 8 weeks of daycamp There was a couple that sent two children, and they only paid for one. And they were the ones who often picked up as much as an hour late! After the summer I sent them notices and there was never any response, and they never answered my calls.

I asked my parents' Rav if I should just be mochel the money they never paid, and he said I don't have to. Daycamp is a luxury and if they couldn't afford it they should've kept their child home. They took advantage of me and just never paid.

I guess some people can live with what they will face upstairs....good for people who are honest and know it isn't worth it.

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 06 2008 Posts: 5149

Posted: Tue, Nov 22 2011, 7:04 pm Post subject:

I have seen Jews bringing other Jews to court for not paying back.
_________________

"You will have many many children and make successful shidduchim beh", rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me

Gold Member Joined: Dec 24 2009 Posts: 2433

WHOA EVERYONE. OF COURSE EVERYONE KNOWS YOU SHOULD PAY YOUR DEBTS WHETHER THEY ARE TO A JEW OR NON-JEW.

I was writing this as "when a yid extend you credit you pay them back" along the lines that this is not some nameless corporation you are dealing with, this is a community member that you see on a regular basis. It's a chutzpah to nonchalantly ignore them and not pay them back. If the person was kind enough to extend credit to you, then they are generally too kind to hock you for past due money. Just not mentchlick.