Shabbat Candles

Silver Member Joined: Oct 07 2009 Posts: 612

I grew up not religious but since I was probably about 6 or 7 I lit one candle Friday night and my mom lit two.
I don't know why I lit one , I guess it was because I had always learned that unmarried girls light one and married women light two.
Now I know that many women add candles for each of their children.
I'm MO and my family is still not religious but my mom is pretty spiritual.
My 16 year old sister has become more and more religious in the last couple of years and I would now describe her as yeshivish.
This past Friday, she told my mom she will be lighting 2 candles from now on because "thats what it says in the Torah" and "Only Lubavitchers light one candle before marriage".

I don't know what the yeshivish community does in general but I was under the impression that in many European communities, unmarried girls don't light candles at all if their mother is there...

My mom was wondering if I had heard of what my sister said, I haven't. Have you?
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Executive Member Joined: Aug 21 2008 Posts: 407

I was always taught that single women light one, married light two.

Posted: Tue, Nov 01 2011, 6:09 pm Post subject:

I don't know what it says in the torah, but we, the girls, each lit one even though my mother lit for all of us. We did it for chinuch reasons, my father says. All the girls in a friend of mines house each lit two. I don't exactly recall how many the mother lit, but I think she also lit for each of her children. I don't know why they lit. Neither of us are lubavitch, but her parents are BT.

Platinum Member Joined: May 07 2008 Posts: 8963

You are correct that in many communities single women do not light at all until they leave home, whether that's at age 18 to college or at 35 to get married. before I ever came across Lubavitch I never heard of unmarried girls lighting unless they were living away from home, for example at college, and then only if there was no frum "housemother" type person lighting on their behalf. Some families have a very strong tradition **against** unmarried women lighting if they live at home.

The minimum requirement is to light one candle--the bracha is, after all, lehadlik **ner** not nerot--but tradition is to light no less than two per household, explained as keneged "shamor" ve"zachor". That means a single person of either gender living alone lights two; a married woman with no children lights two; single children lighting in their mother's house light one each if they light at all. Many people have the tradition of lighting one per family member, so they start out lighting two when first married and add one for each child when born.

This is also a tradition I never heard of till later in life. Most of the people I went to school with apparently came from the same part of Europe as my family did, and until I was in HS I never saw anyone light more than 2 unless they'd had an "oops" and had to light a "penalty" candle.

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 12 2010 Posts: 5784

I know lubavitch light one as girls and then two as married ladies.
In my community girls don't light at all before they get married but I do know a few girls who light for whatever reasons (they live away from home or they became religious) and they light two.
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Silver Member Joined: Oct 07 2009 Posts: 612

So has anyone heard of an unmarried girl lighting 2 candles while living in her parents' home and where her mom does light candles?

Posted: Wed, Nov 02 2011, 4:43 pm Post subject: Re: re: Shabbat Candles

Gold Member Joined: Sep 23 2008 Posts: 1261

It doesn't say in the Torah. Lighting candles Shabbat & how many to light is rabbinic.

Posted: Tue, Dec 20 2011, 5:47 am Post subject: re: Shabbat Candles

I don't remember where it says so but one candle is for "remember" and the other is for "preserve".
I have many BT friends who light two.
But I am not sure whether it says so in the Torah.
Maybe the best thing is to ask your/her Rav.

Posted: Tue, Dec 20 2011, 6:24 am Post subject:

I lit 2 from the time of my bat mitzvah...
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Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48152

In Europe before the war, girls from many communities lit before they got married.

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3555

Platinum Member Joined: May 07 2008 Posts: 8963

The Torah does not say how many to light. The basic obligation to comply with the commandment is one. Before the advent of gas or electric lights, Shabbat candles had a very practical purpose: to provide actual light to the house. As in light energy by which to see one's way around, not spiritual "light". Either way, you're free to light as many as you care to once you've lit your minimum requirement of one. Beware of getting too enthusiastic too soon; tradition frowns upon regression when it comes to observance. Once you've added more candles three times in a row, you've pretty much obligated yourself to continue; it's very poor form to light fewer after you've started lighting more.

Posted: Tue, Dec 20 2011, 11:16 am Post subject: re: Shabbat Candles

My grandparents only knew of mothers lighting, and of lighting 2. Same on dh's side. Various countries.

Maybe Chabad already lit before marriage?
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