What would you do?

Posted: Thu, Aug 18 2011, 6:25 pm Post subject: what would you do?

I read to an elderly lady once a week in her home
this week I just started reading a book to her, it's a romance novel (her pick, she loves romance novels)
this book she is halfway through but because she has lost a lot of eyesight, she had to stop reading it halfway through, and she is desparate for me to read to her the rest. this lady is very intelligent and I am far from a genius but this book is soooo trashy and there is lots and lots of relations, the language is very grahphic in parts and s-xual. when I saw the front cover I was thinking oh my gosh, how on earth am I going to read that? (I get embarrassed VERY easily, she is not embarrassed though to hear it)
this week, I did not say to her I do not want to read this, luckily the part I read was relatively tame and then I had to leave, but she is expecting me to continue and she really wants me to.
what do I do?

Posted: Thu, Aug 18 2011, 6:57 pm Post subject: re: what would you do?

Can you get those books on tape and ask to read her the more "tame" ones. This is a huge mitzvah and I know I would be embarassed too but I would just suck it up and read it anyway.

Posted: Fri, Aug 19 2011, 12:25 am Post subject: re: what would you do?

Oh, just make it up as you go along, just like when you read to kids. Have you ever tried reading Anne of Green Gables (the original) to an eight year old? That was truly horrible but I got very inventive. The same thing would work here. You can leave out some parts or just substitute romantic "sweet nothings" instead of the graphic se*ual descriptions.

BTW, I think it's wonderful what you're doing.
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Posted: Fri, Aug 19 2011, 12:36 am Post subject:

Or how about BE HONEST WITH HER.

Tell her you're more than willing to read to her and that you really enjoy it, but reading the romance novels make you uncomfortable. A compromise would be that when you get to intimate stuff, you gloss over it so at least she'll get to know what happens in the end.
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Posted: Fri, Aug 19 2011, 1:00 am Post subject: re: what would you do?

Have you been hired to read to her? Then read. She does get to pick the books. Loss of sight shouldn't take that choice away. Perhaps you could find someone else to read this particular book to her?
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Diamond Member Joined: Jun 29 2011 Posts: 3153

Ewwww. Simply explain yourself, in a nice way. She will understand. You should not have to do this. Then, quickly get her into some other book, so she will not be left with nothing.

You could ask your Rav, but I bet that's what he will say. You are never supposed to damage yourself to help someone else, especially so unneccessarily as this.

If you are being paid, that changes nothing. Come on, we don't break our standards for money or where does that end?

Posted: Fri, Aug 19 2011, 7:42 am Post subject: re: what would you do?

ask her if she minds if you gloss over the very graphic parts. But tell her you are doing that otherwise she will not trust you anymore.

also, suggest a kindle - I think they can "read" some of the books for you, or at least make the print really really large. or books on cd - libararies should have these for free.

Posted: Fri, Aug 19 2011, 9:27 am Post subject: re: what would you do?

I am the OP, I am not paid, I am volunteering and I was put together with this lady. I don't know anybody else who would read it for her and I don't think she would be happy for anyone else to go to her house apart from me (not because I'm special, just because she is highly independent and she's getting used to having me as a "helper" on a regular basis). if I said to her would you mind if I skip over those parts, she would most likely be "why?" and then obviously she cannot force me to read it but it would be awkward - she'd probably be like "but darling what is there to be embarrassed about?" and then it would go on etc, and this is the only reason she agreed to have a volunteer to read to her THIS book!
so what I might do is take up the suggestion that I should gloss over the uncomfortable bits for me skim my eyes over the page when there is sudden change in conversation, hope she doesn't notice?!

Posted: Fri, Aug 19 2011, 9:43 am Post subject: re: what would you do?

I think you should just appease her, it will make her happy, she probably wants to relive the romantic episodes in her life you know? it's not like she's gonna tell your family or anything. don't concentrate on what you're reading, just read the words as if if it were a meaningless list don't think about what you're saying just do it. besides, she's not concentrating on you, she's not going to stare at you, it's the story she cares about and wants to hear. if she's not embarrassed by you reading it, then you shouldn't be embarrassed!

Diamond Member Joined: Feb 21 2011 Posts: 2775

I think you should try to find an audioversion, or skip those parts as you say and hope she doesn't realise you are doing that. even if she's old, it's not fair for you to feel uncomfortable and to have to go out of your comfort zone to read from a porn book.