Southern Imamothers: Help me out!

We are moving from the NY/NJ area to a Southern community in a few weeks. B"H both DH and I were able to find excellent positions in this small community. DH tell me that I am too much of an "aggresive NYer" and that I need to tone it downto be successful in the new community.

So tell me, how do I "tone it down?"

Posted: Thu, May 12 2011, 10:07 pm Post subject:

Smile (realistically!), don't do the NYer stare at people (calculating where they fit in, which sem they went to (if applicable), and how much their outfit costs), don't assume people with a southern accent are 1)BTs; 2)stupid/slow and 3)out to lynch you (if they are not Jewish). Don't tell everyone all.the.time how great NY is compared to [Town Name] or how lame [New Town} drivers are too slow, the people smile too much, etc and how you hope you never lose the NY attitude. Oh, and don't tell people that their Southern accent is so "cute".

Now, please don't get offended. I grew up in the South, but my parents (not Jewish) were transplants. They didn't do those things and they are respected amongst many people (even though my father was one of the few Black men in our town for many , many years). I do know many Yankees who do act this way and it SO annoying.

No longer living in the South (and miss it) but the MidWest has some of the same issues...

Yael
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Posted: Thu, May 12 2011, 10:09 pm Post subject:

ps.
If you are moving to one of the established communities (Atlanta, Memphis, NOLA), there are plenty of transplants to kvetch to do so you don't have to annoy the natives! Wink

Can I just say that I had obstacles moving north as well? The advice on not comparing everything to New York is a GREAT one. It's officially been 11 months and I will say that it's taken 11 months to realize that you can't compare. "The first step is acceptance." Smile

EMBRACE THIS TIME AWAY. Think of this as a mini-break from city life. Sing this song constantly:

Link

Your speed (walking, talking) will slow with time. When you come home to visit for Yom Tov, you'll see the difference. Your patience level for how sloooow people are at the check-out counter, gas stations, etc. will come with time. There is no way to prepare for this--like I said, it just comes with time.

And as for your NY pushiness/aggressiveness: This too may lessen, but still use it to your advantage. Yeah, my patience level has grown, but this NY Upper West Sider isn't going to wait all darn day for her prescription when there's a line--they can call over a manager. I still voice my opinions, etc.

Ironically, whenever I have what my DH calls a "NY moment" where I loudly voice my opinions or annoyance or get loudly angry at him or something, I tend to meet another frustrated NYer! haha. Smile

I have a list of my "displaced NYer first year survival tips" that I'd be glad to share with you--these include a list of great movies, music, food companies from NY that will ship, which NY newspapers will also ship, etc. PM me. Most of the emotional tips come from my DH, who had to get me to chill out in the culture up here.

Link

Silver Member Joined: Nov 23 2007 Posts: 704

Well, once you are out of NY you will hopefully lose your need to be an aggressive NYer.

Posted: Thu, May 12 2011, 10:38 pm Post subject:

Did you mean to put a smiley after your comment, LeahsEma? Because if you are truly a Southerner, then you know we Southern ladies are Steel Magnolias. You can be scarily aggressive, but only at certain times and places and in subtle ways known only to insiders...
Wink

Silver Member Joined: Sep 27 2009 Posts: 541

You know what they say....if you love southern girls raise your glasses, if not raise your standards! Smile

Shalom Y'all and welcome to the south! Not sure where you are moving but the South is a wonderful place to live. I love being a down home girl. We live in a very very small community that is too small for us but we live in the most beautiful city in the world. It's safe, people are friendly, and everyone wants to know your name. Slow your driving down, lay off your horn, and don't get freaked out if people smile at you...that's how we roll! Be prepared EVERYONE will talk to you from the salon to the grocery to the park and sitting in the airport, its just how we roll. We are a friendly breed. Everyone will open there arms to you and when you hear 'em start talking about them darn yankees in front of you that means you are in!

Learn the lingo, we say fixin' instead of getting ready, everything is "precious", if you are a "mess" that means you are cute, and if someone says "bless your little heart" its an insult. Southerners value tradition and family values. Don't forget to say Yes Ma'am when someone asks you a question and especially yes Sir if you are pulled over by the police. We value respect here!

I think you will like it just be prepared to SLLLOOOOWWWW it down and smile babygirl!

Feel free to PM you I know lots of people in communities all throughout the southeast I's be happy to give you some guidance or hook you up with some contacts. Who knows, you might even be moving to my community Smile

when I was living in the south it was illegal to use the horn or to screetch your car tires when driving fast. the hardest thing for me was driving slow since I was so used to NYC driving. So practice driving without a care in the world Smile

From someone who grew up in the South (but unfortunately no longer lives there) - don't expect to get out of any store without having conversations with lots of people. There will be someone greeting you at the door. The employees will offer to help you and ask how your day is going and the checkout clerk will absolutely have a whole conversation with you. It's not being nosy or rude, it's friendly. Enjoy it.

Silver Member Joined: Sep 27 2009 Posts: 541

OP here...thanks so much for all of your responses! It's not teeny teeny community...it has a small day school, Chabad and a modern Orthodox shul, but no kosher stores.

I more worried about my aggresive business style when it comes to work. I speak VERY quickly and have been told that I come on very strong....

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48224

I'm sure you will adjust. Just give it time. (I come from the South and live in NYC now.)

Silver Member Joined: Sep 27 2009 Posts: 541

I live in a community with one shul, one chabad, and one day school. To me it feels pretty small but it's also nice that we all know each other. The south as a whole moves much slower so while I am sure you will adjust (though it may take a little time) be aware of your style. I truly do not mean this negatively in anyway but very aggressive styles are just not taken well in the south for the most part. It makes people uncomfortable. It may be different in larger cities like Dallas or Atlanta, but the information you have given leads me to believe it is a smaller or midsized city and therefore probably more Southern and laid back. Just be aware and try to be a little more laid back. It may be an adjustment at first but I am sure you will like it very much. If you need anything or have any questions please feel free to contact me anytime. I would be happy to give you my email address as well.

We've lived in a southern town for a year now, and love, love, love it. The transition was *very* easy and I really can't imagine ever leaving. It all suits us just fine! Smile