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| HindaRochel |
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Joined: Oct 24 2006 Posts: 13241 Location: Israel
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Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 12:36 pm Post subject: re: What a sad story... |
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I had read he remarried...maybe I misunderstood...perhaps he was engaged at the time? _________________ But then again, I'm a dragon.
"The best way to keep a prisoner from escaping is to make sure he never knows he’s in prison."
— Fyodor Dostoevsky (via cosmic-rebirth)
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| Pickle Lady |
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Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 12:39 pm Post subject: |
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As long as Abby and her children get to spend time together.
Abby has nieces and nephews that visit her. I have not heard that they are scared by the experience. _________________ Boy 10, Boy 8, Girl 7, Boy 5, Boy 3, Boy 15 months
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| penguin |
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Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 12:47 pm Post subject: re: What a sad story... |
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There's not mentioned in the recent article, but I just have an impression from something I read in the past. Is it possible the grandparents are not frum, in which case, one can readily understand that the father is concerned about their influence? And certainly right to be concerned about a four-week, unsupervised visit?
A judge does (sometimes) take into account that varying religious philosophies will confuse a child...
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| Pickle Lady |
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Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 12:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Her parents are very supportive of her frumkiet. She has a sister who is a chabad rebbetzein with 5 kids and a brother who is also frum. That is not the issue.
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| shosh |
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Joined: Mar 27 2008 Posts: 6252 Location: Israel
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Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 12:52 pm Post subject: re: What a sad story... |
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When I first read this story, I was very outraged by a father denying his disabled wife the chance to see her children, no matter how conscious or not that she is. After reading a few more of these articles, I came to the conclusion that while I think he is still wrong to deny her existence, there's more to his side than appears in the press. I wonder if her parents are terribly controlling and if they don't subconsciously blame him for this tragedy. Or perhaps he was scared that he would lose the chance to raise them by virtue of being a single father and them being married grandparents? Perhaps he didn't want their intrusion into what must have been an absolute nightmare - first-time fatherhood to triplets, alone, not widowed and not married.
Everyone grieves differently. Perhaps denying Abby's existence was his way of being able to move out of what must have been his own considerable personal pain. I think the ruling is very fair. Abby sees her children in whatever capacity she can over the Skype. She sees them once a year in the summer. There's a corner of pictures etc of her, and the kids will learn that they have a loving mother who really wanted them but is too ill to care for them.
All I'm saying is even though I still think he's wrong to have cut her and her parents out of their lives so totally, cut this man some slack and don't judge him. His life must have been absolute Gehinnom.
And yes, poor Abby definitely got the thin end of the wedge here. All she wanted was to have children - and she got a ruined life, hovering between life and nothingness. Poor soul. Who knows what she would have made of this story if she were aware of it? But sadly I don't know how it could be any different.
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| Mitzvahmom |
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Joined: Apr 30 2006 Age: 36 Posts: 5423 Location: currently in a state of bliss
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Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 2:10 pm Post subject: Re: re: What a sad story... |
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| HindaRochel wrote: |
The problem was that he didn't say anything to the children about their mother; the children had to ask him. And yes, the other articles did deal with the tension. Thought that was pretty well known.
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how do you know this?? From an article? Are you in his home?
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| abound |
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Joined: Oct 20 2010 Posts: 1677
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Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 2:20 pm Post subject: |
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Reading the verdict it is quite obvious that Dan Dorn is not the devil. I always assumed there was more to the story but now I am sure. This is a sad story all around and obviously he had an issue more with the children being with the mil and not with his ex wife, as long as he was there to help them with any difficult questions or emotions they have.
May hashem grant her a refuah shleima and him an easy happy life!
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| HindaRochel |
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Joined: Oct 24 2006 Posts: 13241 Location: Israel
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Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 4:13 pm Post subject: Re: re: What a sad story... |
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| Mitzvahmom wrote: | | HindaRochel wrote: |
The problem was that he didn't say anything to the children about their mother; the children had to ask him. And yes, the other articles did deal with the tension. Thought that was pretty well known.
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how do you know this?? From an article? Are you in his home? |
An article. His words.
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| HindaRochel |
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Joined: Oct 24 2006 Posts: 13241 Location: Israel
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Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 4:18 pm Post subject: Re: re: What a sad story... |
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| shosh wrote: | When I first read this story, I was very outraged by a father denying his disabled wife the chance to see her children, no matter how conscious or not that she is. After reading a few more of these articles, I came to the conclusion that while I think he is still wrong to deny her existence, there's more to his side than appears in the press. I wonder if her parents are terribly controlling and if they don't subconsciously blame him for this tragedy. Or perhaps he was scared that he would lose the chance to raise them by virtue of being a single father and them being married grandparents? Perhaps he didn't want their intrusion into what must have been an absolute nightmare - first-time fatherhood to triplets, alone, not widowed and not married.
Everyone grieves differently. Perhaps denying Abby's existence was his way of being able to move out of what must have been his own considerable personal pain. I think the ruling is very fair. Abby sees her children in whatever capacity she can over the Skype. She sees them once a year in the summer. There's a corner of pictures etc of her, and the kids will learn that they have a loving mother who really wanted them but is too ill to care for them.
All I'm saying is even though I still think he's wrong to have cut her and her parents out of their lives so totally, cut this man some slack and don't judge him. His life must have been absolute Gehinnom.
And yes, poor Abby definitely got the thin end of the wedge here. All she wanted was to have children - and she got a ruined life, hovering between life and nothingness. Poor soul. Who knows what she would have made of this story if she were aware of it? But sadly I don't know how it could be any different. |
Actually if I were going to engage in some long distance analysis I would say that grief is the main issue as well as guilt (which often accompanies the grieving process and does not mean the person is guilty of anything). Of course long distance analysis is not really so hot, but I think he is probably mourning and this is how he is dealing with the loss. Regardless of whether she wakes up or not there was a loss and he is hurting. Never said otherwise (go check).
I think her parents are also grieving and her mother in particular is going on hope hope hope...misplaced hope to some extent, but who knows? People have woken up out of 20 years and it has been the voice of the ever present sure s/he's in there and aware loved one or nurse that kept the person going and gave the PVS person hope.
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