What a sad story...

Gold Member Joined: Jul 26 2008 Posts: 2096

http://www.startribune.com/nation/118575124.html

A girl on another forum I sometimes check out (not a jewish forum or anything, just a regular mom forum) posted this link. I was already in shock from reading the story itself until I realized this not only is a Jewish family but an observant one.

Wow. I know there are two sides to every story. His better be REALLY good...

It's just such a chillul Hashem that this made it into the papers... Or rather, that it's a Jewish family...

Senior Member Joined: Aug 21 2008 Posts: 176

I remember reading about this a while back...heartbreaking!!

Posted: Fri, Mar 25 2011, 7:16 pm Post subject: re: What a sad story...

I know the family and the story, it's a difficult situation all around..

Posted: Sat, Mar 26 2011, 1:09 pm Post subject: re: What a sad story...

I understand the husband is grieving in his own way and probably doing what he thinks is best for the children. But he is going to cause more harm to the children by keeping them from knowing their mother (especially as he wasn't at least at one point, telling the children their mom was alive) then by preventing them from being "traumatized" by her condition.

The children should obviously not be told their birth caused the damage...it didn't. He needs only say "shortly after you were born mommy got hurt, and the hurt made her unable to talk and walk and respond. But she loves you very much..."

I don't know that he is being selfish, or just foolish. But the kids should meet their mom now when they ar young and more accepting of situations which aren't "normal" to the outside world.
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Platinum Member Joined: Nov 04 2008 Posts: 7908

The judge granted her visitation rights today.
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Posted: Sat, Mar 26 2011, 10:39 pm Post subject:

Yippeee!!! I hope they follow through with the court order.
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Posted: Sat, Mar 26 2011, 10:50 pm Post subject: re: What a sad story...

Here is the link to the previous nine page thread on this story. That was locked for some inexplicable reason.

http://imamother.com/forum/vie.....mp;start=0
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Posted: Sat, Mar 26 2011, 11:00 pm Post subject: Re: re: What a sad story...

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 16880

This is an old story.... We dont know the husband's side, they are not talking...

I met Abby on the atime message board when s he was trying to get pg, and then when she was pg, we were all excited for her when she told us she was havign triplets. then she disappeared..... Sad

and we heard what happened. It was so awful. Poor abby.
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Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 1:22 am Post subject: re: What a sad story...

you do not know the entire story, so please do not judge the father, my family knows him personally.

The father is trying to protect the kids, the story is very much against him and he does not want to play games like that with the press.. Please your not in his situation, do not judge him..

Executive Member Joined: Apr 01 2009 Posts: 464

To add to what mitzvamom said,

All these recent newspaper articles are being initiated by HER parents.
It really only tells one side of the story.

Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 6:01 am Post subject: re: What a sad story...

This article has the verdict:
http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-general/20110324/US.Paralyzed.Mother.Visitation/

I think that while the father didn't give interviews, the verdict does sort of show his side.

Executive Member Joined: Jul 19 2010 Posts: 400

Thanks, Ora, this article explains the father's side for the first time. Just goes to show us not to judge!

Aribenj, Why don't you post this article in the original forum as well? It's always important to hear the other side.

Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 10:43 am Post subject: re: What a sad story...

Actually the father's side was always known. He made it pretty clear that he thought seeing their mother would be bad for the children (they did when they were younger, but then he got divorced from their mother and remarried) He did not want to tell the children their mother was alive.He allowed the grandfather to visit but would not allow the grandfather to explain who he was. The children at one point asked if they had a mother.

Moreover, though he received a settlement for the children's care, he sued the mother for child support; said funds to come from her settlement which was the monies used for her care.

I'm a bit concerned about the control thing...forbidding anyone else in the room, well he hasn't been stellar in showing respect to his wife at all. Hopefully he'll actually let the children give her a hug etc.

Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 10:57 am Post subject: re: What a sad story...

HindaRochel, the article I posted had interesting information about the ruling regarding the grandmother, and about the mother's health. It sounded like the father was - perhaps rightly - concerned that the children would be given false information about their mother's state of mind, that would cause them harm. And the judge seems to have agreed with him.

I can see why he'd be concerned about the children visiting or being told she's alive. Not that it's the right choice to ban visits, necessarily - but it's a very very sensitive thing, and it probably would be emotionally easier for the children to believe their mother had died, than to have to deal with this reality. If he doesn't think the mother would be aware of their visits (and again, the judge backed him on that) I can see why he'd want to just avoid it altogether.

Previous articles (like the one that spawned the 9-page thread) had a very different take on the mother's mental situation, one biased in favor of the grandparents' POV. And they didn't really give a look at the father-grandmother tension at the root of his refusal to have the kids visit.

Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 11:11 am Post subject: Re: re: What a sad story...

Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 11:17 am Post subject: re: What a sad story...

Right, but she also may have no idea that the kids are hugging her, or what they are saying. If he believes that she doesn't, then to tell the kids even that would be a lie.

The judge seems to have supported the father's concerns about the grandparents, which leads me to think he wasn't cutting them out of the kids' lives stam. OTOH, the judge is also requiring the father to let the kids know about the mother.

I'm not saying you didn't know this. But previous articles on imamother didn't mention some of this. And also, whatever was known, the fact is that the judge sided with one party on some arguments and with the other party on others, and it's interesting to see which of the previously-known arguments got backing from the legal system.

Executive Member Joined: Jul 19 2010 Posts: 400

The article stated that the father got exactly what he wanted- visitation under his supervision. This doesn't sound like he didn't want his children to have absolutely no contact with their mother. He just did not want them to be too influenced by their grandmother- who sounds amazing, but does have unrealistic expectations.

The verdict sounds very fair to me. Kudos to the judge

Posted: Sun, Mar 27 2011, 12:25 pm Post subject: re: What a sad story...

I've done a lot of reading and read from many articles/sources.

The judge thinks the grandmother is unrealistic (and I tend to agree..but on the other hand she has already lived longer than many in PVS live. Average lifespan is 2-5 years with 10 years being unusual...though of course it happens. (The children were born June 2006 so they are almost 5 years old...)

Chances are she will not reach full consciousness; and even if she does she will probably be severely disabled. As the children become older they do need to be made aware of this...
However at this point I would go into too much detail, just "Do you want to give mommy a kiss and say hi and you love her?" Later one could go into "mommy may or may not know you are hugging her...We don't know. But just in case we want to let mommy know that..."

There is a good chance she will die within the next couple of years.

G-d willing she w ill wake, I'll be proven wrong, her ex husband will be proven wrong and Abbie will join Imamother and tell about her lovely 6 year old triplets and how she is making up for lost time. I'm not counting on it, but I do believe miracles happen...I know miracles have happened as I've seen them (in a lot of things)

I do hope the father follows through and allows the children to know they have a mother, that their mother loved them greatly, and that they had a chance to say what very well may be goodbye.

They might not remember consciously, but I bet they'll retain a feeling.

Executive Member Joined: Apr 01 2009 Posts: 464