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| goldrose |
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Joined: Dec 23 2005
Posts: 1391
Location: KTHEH
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 Posted: Sun, Apr 09 2006, 10:52 am Post subject: re: teaching children RESPONSIBILTY! |
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| Quote: | I always try the positive approach first but it almost never works.
the "negative" approach is not really negative. its all a matter of fact- if the toys dont get put away, they get taken away. |
gr, this approach doesnt really have to be negative. you can easily state the exact same thing in a positive way:
negative: if the toys dont get put away, they get taken away
positive: you're welcome to keep all the toys that get cleaned up
EVERYTHING can be stated in a positive way.
| Quote: | | mommy will be SOOOO happy that u did such a mitzvah and cleaned up! after I would go over and give him a big hug and tell him how proud u are of him for being responsible |
how about "wow, you cleaned up all those toys ALL by yourself, you must be so proud of yourself!!" -- to teach kids to do things for self-satisfaction, as opposed to doing things to please others.
| Quote: | | give him something special and tell him its his to take care of... like a plant to water every day, a fish to feed, something thats just for him thats hes in charge of |
I dont think this is a bad idea at all. and I dont think it will be an extra chore for the mother. that is, if you say it is THE CHILD'S responsiblity, and actually ALLOW it to be so. -- Suppose you buy a plant (inexpensive fo course) for the kid, you tell him it's his responsiblity, and that the plant stays alive when watered.
If he fails to water it, that will be very sad because the plant will die. But the only way for him to find out is through trial and error. DONT let it become your problem, dont water it, and dont nag him to water it either. It's not your department.
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| happymom |
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Joined: May 16 2005
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 09 2006, 2:30 pm Post subject: re: teaching children RESPONSIBILTY! |
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| Quote: | EVERYTHING can be stated in a positive way.
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yup! I agree. also, the more positive apprach, the btter self esteem the child will probably have... in my opinion.
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| gryp |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 09 2006, 6:35 pm Post subject: re: teaching children RESPONSIBILTY! |
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| Quote: | negative: if the toys dont get put away, they get taken away
positive: you're welcome to keep all the toys that get cleaned up
EVERYTHING can be stated in a positive way. |
goldrose- thats not the sentence I use to tell him clean up time 
of course it can be stated positively!
but its much different than, "clean up and we'll all be happy," which doesnt work most of the time.
| Quote: | | how about "wow, you cleaned up all those toys ALL by yourself, you must be so proud of yourself!!" -- to teach kids to do things for self-satisfaction, as opposed to doing things to please others. |
I usually say something like "you did that all by yourself!"
same concept.
| Quote: | | I dont think this is a bad idea at all. and I dont think it will be an extra chore for the mother. that is, if you say it is THE CHILD'S responsiblity, and actually ALLOW it to be so. -- |
I think that could only work once its already been accomplished on a much smaller scale.
| Quote: | | also, the more positive apprach, the btter self esteem the child will probably have... in my opinion. |
happymom, self-esteem comes from the feeling of self-satisfaction, pride in accomplishment.
of course self-esteem can be destroyed by constant negativity.
but I dont think that the more positive you are, the more self-esteem you'll build.
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| goldrose |
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Joined: Dec 23 2005
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 09 2006, 7:47 pm Post subject: re: teaching children RESPONSIBILTY! |
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| Quote: | | "clean up and we'll all be happy," which doesnt work most of the time |
wouldnt even think of saying such a thing- just because cleaning up makes ME happy, doesnt mean it makes everyone ELSE happy.
Back to the subject of teaching children responsiblity -
When my kids come to me with a problem, depending on what it is of course, I often ask them, "Really? What are you gonna do about it?" -- Not that I'm not willing to help, but they have to first use their resources and really try before I'm about to do everything for them.
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| Tefila |
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Joined: Sep 26 2004
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Location: Galus, what can I tell u..............
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| Posted: Mon, Aug 07 2006, 11:54 pm Post subject: re: teaching children RESPONSIBILTY! |
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| Quote: | | When my kids come to me with a problem, depending on what it is of course, I often ask them, "Really? What are you gonna do about it?" -- Not that I'm not willing to help, but they have to first use their resources and really try before I'm about to do everything for them. |
Ditto 
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