How to maintain sanity during "why" phase?

Executive Member Joined: May 22 2008 Posts: 289

My son who turned two in December started asking "why?" last week. At first, I was so excited that his inquisitive mind is at work. He usually asks full questions beginning with why, so I was very impressed and I happily answered all his questions for the first couple of days. A week later, I'm going nuts! Just on a 5 minute drive home yesterday, he must have asked at least 30 questions, such as, "why is it not sunny? why is it dark? why is the light on over there? why is there no light here? why is the neighbour light on?" It's non-stop! I really don't want to show any frustration with him and I don't want him to know how annoying it is after hours of questions. I love that he's going through this phase and I really want to encourage him. I'm just going insane, is all. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Either tips on how I can remain calm and encouraging or maybe how to answer my son so that it doesn't result in another why question? I've tried, "because that's how Hashem made the world" but that's obviously above his level and only results in another "why?"

I would really welcome any suggestions!

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3554

Throw the question back at him. "Why do you think it's light outside?" I do this with my son, slightly older than yours, and sometimes he answers. Yes, sometimes he says, "I don't know," but if I'm quiet right afterwards he may give his own answer a few seconds later. Often I realize that my answer wouldn't have satisfied him, because his "why" question was looking for something completely different!

Also, if you're not sure what the "why" is referring to, ask "Why what?" It may be he's still asking about the original question (just ime).

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 12 2009 Posts: 13155

I just posted something in the immediate reaction thread. No offense intended, it was just my...immediate reaction.
Funny, I don't remember that driving me so crazy. Plenty of other things did though Wink

I hope you get answers from people who've been there and know enough to distill answers for a bright kid. I think there are even books put out by one of the Jewish pubishers answering all sorts of stuff questions. I'll at least offer you a bracha: that all your children be bright, alert, inquisitive; that you not frustrate them; and that, with the multi ring circus parenting is, you always maintain your perspective and smile.
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The righteous praise and honor people for every good quality that is found in them while the wicked seek out faults in others to pull them down, even if they repented those deeds. (Rabbeinu Yonah, from Partners in Kindness)

Executive Member Joined: May 22 2008 Posts: 289

PinkFridge: Amen to your bracha! Thanks. I do realize that it's a beautiful phase and it's wonderful that my son is bright and inquisitive and interested in everything.

AlwaysGrateful: Thanks for the suggestion of asking the question back to him. I've tried that a little bit, but I think I'll do it more. Sometimes he does answer it and other times he'll just say "yeah" and move on to his next "why" question.

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 12 2009 Posts: 13155

[quote="Chippies"]PinkFridge: Amen to your bracha! Thanks. I do realize that it's a beautiful phase and it's wonderful that my son is bright and inquisitive and interested in everything.]

I could tell. That's why my bracha was for veiter.

Gold Member Joined: May 09 2007 Posts: 1360

I deal wiht the why's differently every day, depending on my mood.
Sometimes I keep answering. Sometimes I throw the question back (and you can get really interesting answers, especially if you ask further questions). Sometimes I'll get down to "Because that's the way it is" and keep repeating that until he gives up.

Another frustrating habit with my oldest at that age was that he would ask the exact same question over and over again. Sometimes I would try to find another answer, answer on a different level each time, but I found that frustrated him. So I kept answering the same thing. Why is it light outside? Because it is daytime, so the sun is out. Why is it light outside? Because it is daytime so the sun is out. Finally when he asked the same question the fourth time I called him on it: "DS, you just asked me that three times already and I answered you every time. Why are you asking me again?" "Because I wanted to see if you would give me the same answer!"

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 16879

My son is 5 1/2 and still asking why. And I answer every single question, as truthfully as I can. You have no idea, KE"H, how much this child knows, way ahead of his peers. He is one smart cookie. the questions he asks astounds me all the time. I have no intention of stopping to answer his questions anytime soon.

Sometimes I will tell him that Mommy';s head hurts and I cant answer questions for a fw minutes. That sometimes works.
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Active Poster Joined: Nov 25 2008 Posts: 84

I try to answer as best as I can.

But as a last resort (and usually said truthfully), I find the following tends to stop the flow:
"Wow... I don't know. Maybe we'll as Daddy when he gets home."

Beginner Joined: Dec 21 2009 Posts: 24 Location: Israel

I found that asking the toddler questions right back gets them bored of the game faster than other methods I've tried.