Kids in public school for speech therapy

Silver Member Joined: Jul 23 2007 Posts: 869

Both of our (3 year old) kids require speech therapies that are offered by the state in a public school setting. They have been going now twice a week since the beginning of last month. We were hesitant to send them there initially - if we could have gotten it separately through insurance we would have, but since the state offers it, insurance won't and we can't afford to pay for it out of pocket.

We were informed in a note that came home yesterday that next Thursday the kids should come with 8 valentine's cards to exchange with their classmates and teachers. Obviously, DH and I are NOT thrilled about this. We, of course, could just not send them to the program that day. But number one, it's important for them to get the therapy (DD is severe enough that there was also a consideration for 5 days a week). And number two, if we do that, what of St. Patty's day or Easter or Halloween or X-mas? I am very unhappy with the idea of continually pulling them out for these things. Separation of church and state, anyone?

When I called the school to discuss it with them, they got VERY defensive and said it would ruin the fun for the rest of the class to cancel the program and anyway valentines is really just a secular holiday (which, admittedly it has become, but that does not negate its roots or our unwillingness to allow our children to celebrate it). I am currently working my way up the governmental food chain to (hopefully) deal with this.

But in the meantime, I'm just curious if there's anyone else out there who's dealt with this. If your kids go to a public school, has this been an issue for you? If so, how was it resolved?

for our kids, it's not just speech therapy--- they're getting that plus occupational therapy plus physical therapy plus special ed classes plus REALLLLLLLY good attention to their IEPs--- all things they wouldn't be getting in a day school setting. My son is one of 3 boys in his class with yarmulkes! The preschool has a nice percentage of frum Jews since our frum preschools here don't do the speech, ot, pt, etc etc.

so yep, we're dealing with it. and if we can't mainstream in the next couple of years, we'll continue dealing with it. HOPING to send them to day school down the road, but we'll see. The day schools expect potty trained kids who don't need lots of special attention and certainly don't need a million therapies during school hours. we're not there yet.

kosher food--- we send snack from home daily--- if they want to feed our kids something (with a hecksher) that they're providing for the whole class, they need to check with us first. So they'll show me a bag of something with an ou and I'll ok it before they'll give it.

valentines day--- they didn't do anything in the classroom-- they simply put valentines in the kids backpacks--- I threw them out and didn't show the kids. this year I'll remind them not to even put them in the backpacks-- we don't want valentines. it's optional to participate, so we don't.

xmas--- they did a holiday concert with Channukah songs, xmas songs, and kwanza songs. the preschool, since there are frum Jews, ONLY sang the Chananukah songs (and twinkle twinkle little star)-- they saved the xmas and kwanza songs for kindergarten and first grade to sing. In my son's class, they actually walked my son out of the room for the xmas songs--- I didn't think to ask my daughter's class to do that--- I figured as long as they weren't singing it, hey, they're 3 years old, hearing it once is just like hearing it at the mall.

They do the best they can. At holiday time, they had some xmas symbols and toys in the classroom, so they had a singing Channukah bear too that they would show the Jewish kids. They really care about each child's background and traditions and ask my kids about the Alef Bais--- I was invited to come teach the dreidel game at Channukah, etc. So that also means my kids are exposed to xmas and valentines day and easter, but not in any sort of way where they're expected to believe something we don't want them to, or eat anything not kosher, etc.

They're having a preschool party tomorrow and they're providing kosher pizza for the kosher families--- on all the rsvps, it had a "kosher" check off. that's how cool this school is.

I figure I can teach Alef Bais and Brachos at home at this point.... but I can't do all the OT, PT, and speech therapy that they need. And they're exposed to children of all religions--- really that part is ok with me-- if they hear the first graders singing about Xmas, it's not the end of the world for us in my opinion.

We work with the school, as do the other frum families, and there's lots of mutual respect, so it works well.

With your V day situation, I wouldn't send any Valentines and if they come home in the backpacks, I'd throw them out. Don't make a big deal, and life goes on. If other parents complain to you that their darling didn't get a valentine from your kid, it's your opportunity to inform them that you're Jewish and don't celebrate it.

Good luck!

I had this situation as well and I really didn't worry about it so much because my kids were out of it before they turned 5. I figured one or two years of this stuff wouldn't be such a big deal. Plus the school was pretty good about stuff - always provided kosher food and did minimal stuff for holidays. Like xmas they didn't actually have xmas songs. They sang jingle bells and a few other preschool songs.

If I were you I would just do it as I don't think Valentines Day means anything to your kids. I think making a big deal about it might have a more lasting effect than just going along with it. Plus they will be out of there soon right?

If they needed to be in the school longer (I would think starting first grade) then I would start taking a stand about certain things but I personally think Valentines Day isn't such a big deal (we kinda celebrate it). Also talk to your kids and explain you don't believe it but it is nice to be respectful to others.

(My kids come home with valentines with candy and I tell them its not kosher and they have no trouble throwing the candy out because I talk to them and tech them from an early age about stuff like this.)

Platinum Member Joined: Nov 01 2009 Posts: 8303

Sometimes you have to take the bad with the good.

Valentines Day is a secular holiday. You can request that your kids not join in the celebration, but it would be rude and unfair to ask them to cancel the program.
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Silver Member Joined: Jul 23 2007 Posts: 869

I figured I'd post the follow-up. After having to take the issue all the way up to the area superintendent, a brand new school principal picked it up (yesterday was her first day on the job). She made it clear that no, Valentine's Day would not be allowed to be celebrated in the classroom. Indeed she was SHOCKED that the weekly flyer sent home in their folder actually used the word Valentine's.

BTW, rude or not, the principal did indeed confirm that it is ILLEGAL to celebrate it in the classroom (regardless of what individual school districts, schools, or teachers do).

So the legal (and satisfactory to us) resolution? The teacher was required to take down any signage in the room that said "Valentine's Day", but the same day as the originally schedule party, there will now be a party called a "friendship celebration." We even volunteered to be the parents bringing in the cake for the class (though you can bet it won't be red or pink Wink

). Now our kids even get to share in the same treat as the rest of the class (though that was never our primary concern - they're used to having only their own snacks as the Jewish day care they're in the rest of the day is not entirely reliably kosher, either).

Frankly, I'm a tad surprised that you all think it's okay. Just because we're a tiny minority, I don't think that means we have to allow a school to do illegal things in the name of fun (or any other reason for that matter). I happen to think it's a good thing to know your rights and stand up for them when they're being abrogated. And in the end, we were able to come up with a compromise anyway that still allows the "show"...er...party to go on (minus any mention of an actual holiday). And more importantly, it establishes the precedent for the rest of the holidays.

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48223

It was like that when I was a kid too. My mom taught in the public school system and boy did they look down on the private school kids who would register because they needed a service.