Coworker Yelled at Me - Vent/Advice?

On Friday afternoon right before I was about to leave, a co-worker (not my boss or supervisor) sat me down to tell how unhappy she is with me. We had a big event the day before, and she was upset that I sat where I was told to sit and did what I was told to do. She wanted me front and center. Again, this woman is not in a more senior position than me.

It then devolved into how she doesn't feel like we're on a team, that I'm not nice to her, that I don't say hello to her, that I don't treat her like she's closer and more together with me since we're "a team." (As an aside, I'm on a team with 4-5 other groups of people, and we should be an integrated staff. It's clear she doesn't see it that way.) It really became this thing that reminded me of middle school: "why aren't you my friend, why didn't you play with me at recess" type of thing.

This happened twice. She started by telling me how not okay I was. I started defending myself and soon she was yelling. By the second time I was trying to leave the room after telling her that this is inappropriate and absolutely not her place to tell me what to do.

Some of what she said might be true (I'm not sure it is.) But I think this is completely inappropriate. And I can't work in this kind of environment.

Now that I've vented, what do I do?

It's Monday, and I need to figure out where to go from here. I have a very busy boss, and a supervisor I haven't always been on the same page with. We had a rocky start, but we're getting along better now.
Oooff.

The Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference
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Let your fellow's honor be as dear to you as your own and do not anger easily (Pirkei Avos/t)

Diamond Member Joined: Jan 24 2010 Posts: 3407

Tell her to mind her own, and that you're not interested. If she wants attention, tell her she should try to get it from her husband and to stop badgering you.

If she brings it up again, tell her you'd rather discuss it with the supervisor (ie if she's having problems with you, she should talk to the supervisor and then the supervisor should speak to you). Not because you don't trust her to be right about what you should do, of course Wink

, just to make sure that any changes are made with the supervisor's approval, and that everything stays friendly between you and her.

Then let her be in charge of dealing with the boss/supervisor, so it's not your problem. You won't look like a troublemaker, because you're not the one with a problem.

Better IMO to deal with a somewhat difficult supervisor, than an angry, emotional coworker. If the supervisor agrees with her, so OK, now you know. If she sounds as unreasonable to the supervisor as she does to you, then maybe your supervisor will get her to back off.

Moderator Joined: Sep 30 2009 Posts: 1381 Location: NY

Do you have an HR department? Because this is right up their ally.

If you work in a smaller office that does not have an HR department you still have several options.

Never stoop to her level. Even though she is not behaving with professionalism, you still should. This will give you the upper hand and credibility.

If she comes at you again you might suggest she take it up with the supervisor or that you two should use the supervisor as a mediator to ensure that her personal feelings do not effect your working relationship. When she goes whining to the supervisor about high school type nonsense she will look very silly. Or you could grin and bear it and politely tell her you do not want to seem closer to any one employee, despite the fact that you are on a team, because this is bad for workplace morale. That you feel you two are part of a solid team and you are slightly hurt and shocked to see that she does not feel the same way and needs outward signs to validate the great working relationship you two have.
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