Working Rather than Child-Raising

I've had many people tell me that they simply wouldn't manage if they'd have to be home all day with their kids. They can't handle it. They go out to work not because they need the money, but because they need some time off from their kids.

Has anyone else encountered this? I'm starting to think it's pretty common.

Executive Member Joined: Apr 25 2006 Posts: 404

I think that for most people it is a combination. I work, and I absolutely need the money. I also know that I cannot stay home with my kids. I would lose my mind. I do not do well with unstructured time, and I am not good at creating my own structure. My youngest is 3, and I would probably send her to school/playgroup even if I was not working...so for me it is all a moot conversation.

There are very few people who work and entirely do not need the money. The bread winner must earn a huge sum of money on his own to allow for that. I think there are more people who make the decision that they want to live a particular lifestyle and therefore work...If you don't pay for babysitting and eat beans and rice all the time, then you can afford to stay home. Of course that entire scenario is based off a young family with a couple of kids, but that equation changes a lot when you have school age children and start paying tuition. At that point every penny counts.

Posted: Wed, Dec 29 2010, 4:00 pm Post subject:

I think there is an attitude like that today. but many ppl find that they can use work as their ME time, which everyone need. I think today ppl need more ME time in order to cope as ppl in general are more self centered.

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 25 2007 Posts: 4862

Most of the studies that have been conducted on this issue end up at the same conclusion: the happiest and most satisfied mothers are those who work part-time. It's harder to know whether the net effect of increased satisfaction is better parenting, but there definitely seems to be something in the part-time approach that benefits kids, too. Kids often benefit from the small steps toward independence that come when Mom works part-time -- and benefit from the additional one-on-one care they receive when everyone returns home.

That said, there are a lot of different ways to "work part-time." I know women who are wealthy enough not to need paid employment, but who are active in chesed work to the point of being occupied part-time (or even more!). I also know a woman who doesn't need the money but teaches two classes at a local high school. She says it gets her up and out three times a week and teachers her toddlers that the world doesn't center around them.

And, of course, there are plenty of SAHM who manage to create routines and activities that provide the benefits of working part-time for themselves and their kids.

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48156

Me. I thought I'd be the perfect stay at home mom, but it didn't happen.

Even now, I don't get out much, if I'm not working.

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 05 2005 Posts: 3505

Me. As much as I work because I need the money, and strongly dislike my job, I like staying home all day every day, even less. My mother's cousin (no young ones at home anymore) retired and then continued to work the max income allowed on her pension.
I'm not sure exactly what you are asking, OP. But the question goes both ways. Every person is different and it makes sense that what one person enjoys may not be the same as the next. In the same vein, no two family dynamics are exactly the same. What works for one family, doesn't for the next. So why is it surprising that while I really enjoy having a 9-5, my neighbor enjoys being a sahm? Also, keep in mind, that (IMHO) being a mommy, regardless of what else you do, is a full time job, and only so much can be delegated or bought.
One more point to ponder: you talk about raising your kids and being a sahm. Does that mean that your 5, 6, or 7 yo is at home during the day with you bec you are home but mine aren't cuz I'm working? Bec from what I see, most sahm kids are in school/playgroup from 3 or 4 and up anyways. So I'm just unclear what family demographic you are requesting info on. Or is it just a mentality or 'feeling'. Because I imagine that even someone that likes to stay home with their very young ones may feel, once they reach school age, that they'd like to get a job. Or are you assuming a baby every (at least) two years or so, which would make this conversation point moot?

I work because I need the money. (dh is in kollel)

that being said I would rather work and have my kids out then have my kids all home.
vacation is very hard. I am not the creative type to keep my kids busy with all sorts of interesting things that they all need.

I find that a lot of kollel wives actually enjoy working and would not want to stay home with their kids. theyre often not sacrificing that much-in this specific area- for the kollel lifestyle, since they LIKE working full time. I have had a number of kollel wives say stuff like "how do you stay home all day! I would go out of my mind!" so thats where im getting my info from primarily. of course, this is a generalization. sorry. not trying to bash kollel or anything. just thought this comment fit into the thread.

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 05 2005 Posts: 3505

Working full time or not is not a measurement of sacrificing for kollel. But it does make it easier to enjoy working full time. And of course, there are many kollel wives that work part time or not at all because they'd prefer to stay home with the kids.

Posted: Thu, Dec 30 2010, 10:18 am Post subject:

Many women find work very satisfying.
If fills, in many cases, a need for social connections; one becomes friends with colleagues.
Financial reward.
Praise and admiration.
Gratification for a job that is completed.
_________________
But then again, I'm a dragon.
"The best way to keep a prisoner from escaping is to make sure he never knows he�s in prison."
� Fyodor Dostoevsky (via cosmic-rebirth)

If you are in a world where there is no SAHM, no mommy and me, and went parents come home they are tired and don't want to bring their kid anywhere or receive anyone for a play date and barely go to the playground even on the week end, yes, a SAHM can feel VERY lonely.
_________________

"You will have many many children and make successful shidduchim beh", rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3560

If I won the lottery I'd hand in my resignation within 5 minutes.

Kollel wife
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Chayalle

we live in a society that isolates moms that stay at home. No wonder a lot of moms would prefer to work at least part time! I'm a stay at home mom and I'm certainly not judgmental of the choices of other women. But I will say it certainly helps when you have family or friends that are in the same boat as you and you support (emotionally!) one another. I'm not a structured person at all. But I have learned how to structure my day (with tons of flexibility of course!) so as to prevent myself from going Twisted Evil

.Oh, and my house gets messy.