Spinoff- Jewish groups where full time help is normal

Gold Member Joined: Dec 24 2009 Posts: 2433

I see I should have married a South African. Very Happy

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Senior Member Joined: May 30 2010 Posts: 124

I actually know of someone in who had 8 full time nannys. One for each child. Her house was always so calm, the children each getting full attention. She was a stay at home mother, and gave soooo much attention to her children! She would play with them, or bake.. take them swimming outside etc. She wasnt frazzled even though there were 8 kids running around the house, each doing a diff activity, and she knew that they were safe and well taken care of... Anytime they wanted to spend time with her, she would give them her full attention and sit down and play with them.. I think having full time help gave her the relaxation that all Mammas need, and enabled her to be an always patient Mom to her kids. I actually tought 2 of her children, and they were the most kind, generous, well balanced kids in the whole class, and I think part of it had to do with that they had a calm, never frazzled Mom.
I personally cant afford it, and am lucky if I have a babysitter a few hours a week. I only have a cleaning lady a couple hours a week, and many times not even that, BUT, I dont like this bashing of other peoples lifestyles. I DO NOT think it makes you a better or worse mother to have, or not have help... If you can afford it, gezunteh heit.

Silver Member Joined: Jul 17 2007 Posts: 853

Nylon, where did she say that her full time help was a necessity? If I recall, she wanted to know if she was paying fairly, then clarified that she's around with the nanny and involved in the childcare as well, and then clarified (after you started attacking) how the extra set of hands is always helpful and welcomed in her household. I do not recall her saying it was a necessity nor do I recall her saying she is on any sort of gov't or other community assistance while she "needs" the full time help but can't pay full tuition. Why are you so worked up over how she spends her disposable income?

Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7240

For me, it was difficult to read about the person with the full time help while she's a SAHM right after reading the "completely desperate" post from the woman who has nothing to feed her kids and is about to lose her home.

I didn't write anything because I didn't want to sound like the socialist-communist-marxist that I apparently am.

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 24 2008 Posts: 6528

I actaully thought the way she was using the nannies was fantastic. She was around for meal times, most of the time when the kids were up. Was giving very individualized attention. She only seemed to use the nannie for things like:
Bringing child #2 to mommy and me while child #1 slept.
Running errands, appointments. when I take 2 children under 3 to appointments or shopping it terms into disaplin time rather then bonding and learning. (Especially my 2 year old who loves to empty shelves of clothing, turn over chairs at the dr, etc). Its no fun to take 2 under 3 to an OB appointment.

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 24 2008 Posts: 6528

At least now people won't say that I'm incredibly spoiled because I had a cleaning lady and was at home...
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I have a relative that works long hours in the city so she has a nanny/housekeeper. Her and her DH get home in time to say good night to the kids, all the child care is done by the nanny. On weekends she also has the nanny because although she loves her kids she cannot deal with they typical child behaviors. Unless they're acting like little angels she doesn't even know how to be a mother. She's told me on quite a few occasions that she just escaped the house to go shopping or eat out or whatever just to get away from them because she can't deal with them.

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48152

Everyone's needs and even expectations are different. I think we have to let it go at that.

Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7240

I'm not really a socialist, sky. I don't think governments should pay people for not working.

But there are so many better ways to use five hundred dollars a week than to spend on ensuring that two children get the maximum individual attention possible. Donate it all to cancer research. Start a welfare-to-work program with it.

Obviously it is not my business what anyone does with their money. She can buy a yacht and drop off her kids with Family Services if she wants.

But as a morality question, it doesn't fit with what I am morally comfortable with. I am also one of those people who doesn't have cleaning ladies on principle, so take it for what it's worth.

I admit I have a cleaning lady 4 times a week for as long until she finishes, usually 3 hours. I'm a SAHM and when my ds was 18 months he went to school and I had no one else at home. Actually she only worked 3 times a week until my almost 5 month old was born. I don't have to justify myself, but the reason why we have one is because I HATE CLEANING and if we can afford it, why not?! When we lived in the states, we had one once a week because that's all we were able to afford...barely, but like I said, I HATE CLEANING!! My cleaning lady also watches my baby if I need her to if she's here at the time. Sometimes I say to myself that I don't need her that often, but 1. I would have to find her another job and 2. when I really don't feel like doing anything, she wouldn't be here Rolling Eyes

. If you can afford it, why not?? I've been asked if I wanted a live-in because a lot of people have one or full time, but that's a little too much for me. At times, I do want one, but not often enough.
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Posted: Fri, Nov 05 2010, 11:33 am Post subject:

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 16898

maya ther's a difference between a full time MAID - household help - heck, I would LOVE to have help 4 hours a day to clean up my pigsty, that would free me up to do everything else! - vs 12 hours a day of BABYSITTING, taking care of the kids so you can do... what exactly?

(But the OP of that thread *is* involved with her kids, she's not out getting manicures.)
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