Boarders?

Posted: Mon, Jul 19 2010, 7:14 pm Post subject: Boarders?

I got a call today asking if I would be able to have two high school girls board in my house. We are a young kollel couple with a one year old baby and expecting I"yh our second. (thus the anonymity) We just bought a house and are I"yh moving in a few weeks. We could put the girls in the basement. I didn't get all the details as I was caught of guard so I don't know what exactly it entails in terms of shabbos etc. I also assume there would be some sort of "rent" involved though I have no idea how much, though the extra money would certainly be helpful towards paying our mortgage. I dunno what to do because I like the idea I was very close to people in Israel for example and I think it was a good experience but I am nervous about the privacy issue. My husband also isn't sure if he is comfortable with it. I told him we could make the third bedroom into a study for him so he would have his own space...

WWYD? Have any of you had boarders or been boarders? Is it very intrusive?

Platinum Member Joined: May 06 2007 Posts: 8517

I've never boarded or had any boarders - but normally don't girls board with older couples? With older children?

I don't know, I think it would be weird to have high school girls - figure 17 yo and a dh who is in his early 20s with his friends who are also that age?

Where are the "adults?"
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Just Plain Frum!

Posted: Mon, Jul 19 2010, 7:18 pm Post subject: Re: Boarders?

Diamond Member Joined: Feb 02 2006 Posts: 4767

I grew up in a neighborhood with lots of boarders, boys and girls.

Sometimes the students boarded with younger families, sometimes older, sometimes rebbeim.

I believe there was a standard amount set for room/board. Some of the boarders became really close with their boarder families, some didn't.

I think it could be a great idea.
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"G-d I trust will understand, I'm not so sure about the neighbors.." -Yentl

Posted: Mon, Jul 19 2010, 7:35 pm Post subject: re: Boarders?

I was a boarder from australia in toronto where I was in school for a few years, it was a great experience, I became close to the family, and I had my own private room and bathroom and walk in closet, I actually got engaged and was still in school and staying there, so I had a nice experience and wish I had the space to do it now...go for it :p
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Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48152

Paying boarders means you have to feed them well and do laundry, doesn't it? Keep their bathroom clean, take them to the dentist if they need it, etc. It's a real job.

Diamond Member Joined: Nov 10 2005 Posts: 3401

Diamond Member Joined: Sep 18 2004 Posts: 2600

I boarded in ninth grade with a young couple. It was me and 2 other girls. We lived in the basement and were really not welcome in the rest of the house besides for supper time. Honestly - it was not a good feeling. They also restricted which foods we could eat (ie. had stickers marking which foods were just for the family and which foods we could also eat). When we were sick they did not help us get to a doctor and in general, from their behavious it was very clear that they wanted the money while doing the least 'work' they could get away with. Oh - and it happened to be that none of us had particularly involved parents, hence this continued all year.

Silver Member Joined: Jul 28 2005 Posts: 753

We had boarders (boys) just be aware that alot of the cash gets used up to take care of them (if you do it properly which I'd hope you would) I dont know maybe girls eat less but the hs boys we had could have eaten me out of house and home also they had no concept of turning off lights, AC etc. Infact they had the AC on 75% fo the year! we did pu ta stop to that but it was a constant battle. That said it was nice we enjoyed having them with all the ups and downs involved (we had alot of those Smile

Also its not right to expect the boarder to help out! either you can offer to pay her some kind of allounce to be a mothers helper from time to time or just see some girls will help some wont. Perfectly resonable to expect her to pickup after herself and help a bit befor shabbos for example but dont think your getting alive in nanny. Remember they are there to go to school, do homework and learn! If you can and want to take them in the go for it if not dont!

Oh I was a boarder myself for 3years and went through a few families the worst for me was a family who ended up being abusive but thats another story. I also did stay with a young couple and after 3 weeks the husband decided he could not handle having a teenage girl in the house (he wanted to be able to walk around in boxers and tshirt. so make sure your hubby is on board!

Finally talk to as many boarder family's as you can in the area that you live, hows the school with supporting the boarder family's, what was teh hardest boarder situation they got into, what rules do they have. you'll get lots of diff answers adn should be able to make decisions that way.

wow this was much longer then I meant for it to go sorry Smile

hope it was helpful

Posted: Mon, Jul 19 2010, 10:46 pm Post subject: re: Boarders?

Op here. Thank you for all your responses. First of all I am a teacher in the HS these girls would be attending so I feel like we would at least be on the same page. I don't have any expectations in terms of them being my nanny and I fully intend to take care of them. The only thing is I have college one night a week so there might be an issue of yichud with my husband so the solution might be they could babysit (and he would leave) which would just entail being in the house...

Senior Member Joined: Dec 27 2008 Posts: 124

I realize the school year has already begun, but here's my two cents:
I boarded in several different place in high school. Some were pretty terrible situations where I was expected to be subordinate to the family's children who were many years younger; in another I was treated like a college boarder- ate dinner with the family but there was no other interaction. At 13 years old, a kid needs a bit more than that.

The first (and worst) situation I was in was one where I was expected to "Mommy" the children and their mother, who was expecting. It is one thing to ask a boarder to babysit on occasion (but not as a part of the boarding agreement), or to keep her own areas clean. A boarder is not the family's nanny, cook, maid, or tutor de facto.

It is usually expected that a boarder keep her room clean, do her own laundry, and like any teenager, generally let the family know what time she'll be home. I certainly enjoyed helping out with cooking (though given my school schedule, I didn't get much opportunity) or with the kids, but it was not expected of me. There is usually an average room and board amount accepted in each neighborhood based on average expenses.

If your boarders are "emotionally younger", they may need set chores, curfew, etc. This is something best discussed with their parents before the girls move in.

As for a yichud situation, most of the families I lived with had young children. In most other cases, a high school girl can easily go over to a friend's house to do her homework, or have a couple of friends over as a study group, etc. You sound to be enough older than these girls that I wouldn't worry about there not being "adults" around- actually, I feel it may be a very good age for the boarders- they can feel like they are living with a "wise big sister" without being overwhelmed with another set of parents.