Would you force your child to eat?

Posted: Mon, Sep 13 2010, 2:29 pm Post subject:

my daughter although a lot younger than 8 has a lot of food issues and she is under a dietician and the dieticians rule is never ever force feed a child, if the child doesnt want it walk away and never let food become a battle because its a way of controlling the parent. my daughter sometimes has 2 bites of supper then leaves it (she is five and is also very small) I just ignore her and if she wants something before bed I give her corn thins.

nine kids. eight underweight, picky eaters.
had to wait til number nine to get it right Laughing

seriously, my mother and grandmother were very picky eaters. my DH is a picky eater, and my father, brother, DH, and FIL are all doctors.....no one ever suggested forcing my kids to eat.
as a toddler, my oldest DD was so small and underweight that my grandmother took one look at her and said, "give her sour cream, ice cream, chocolate pudding, and cheesecake! if she's gonna eat anything, make sure she gets calories."

my wise grandmother also reminded me that rice cakes makes a person feel full, but does not deliver any significant calories....

as for force-feeding, as a psychologist, I highly advise against it. it just creates too many emotional issues re: food. your husband can discuss this with a psychologist or older BTDT friend whose kids were picky and yet somehow grew up and ended up being normal-sized adults...

Diamond Member Joined: Nov 30 2009 Posts: 4612

I was sort of force feed- not for regular suppers I dont think- but on shabbos the rules were that you had to finish eating before you left the table. I used to chock down the liver and cholent.
then once I was older my mother went to a parenting class that said never force- and b"h they have stopped doing it.

basically you get served. you eat what you eat. end of story (dessert only on shabbos- sometimes) if you are hungry later you maybe get a fruit- depending if its before or after bedtime. and you learn. the pedatrician told my mother that as long as its available- kids will eat enough to live- they can take care of themselves- they will eat if they are hungry (this was when she was concerned that a 2 year old was eating a few bites a day)

I personally like my MIL's style (in this regard) better- she would give the kids food. when they left the table it meant they were done with the meal and the plate was cleared. end of story. (tho I dunno what happened if kids were hungry later)

so def dont force feed. but def dont serve dessert until they eat some regualr meal. dont talk about dessert until they are finished eating whatever it is they will eat from supper- after all no matter how full you are there is ALWAYS room for dessert...

Executive Member Joined: May 20 2007 Posts: 457

I highly recommend this book. I have children on both ends of this spectrum. [url=http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Feeding-Healthy-Family-Orchestrating/dp/0967118921/ref=tmm_pap_title_0]
Sectret of feeding a healthy family[/url] by Ellyn Satter. She is a genius. If you can really divide responsibility and let your child decide how much (if any) to eat, you can set them up for a life of truly healthy food attitudes.

Executive Member Joined: May 20 2007 Posts: 457

Also, OP please pm me! I have recipes from when my dc ate an even more restrictive diet than yours!
When you are stacking "incomplete" proteins to make a "complete" protein, the foods do not need to be consumed at the same time. You are just trying to get all of the various amino acids eaten.

That book again by Ellyn Satter will really ease your mind, while giving you concrete and achievable next steps.

Gold Member Joined: Aug 11 2010 Posts: 1295

Gold Member Joined: Mar 04 2009 Posts: 2231

I would not make food a power struggle. Why should your kid eat to please you? It's his body that is hungry and his body that he will feed.

Have lots of healthy food around. Cut back on the junk. And don't look at what he eats. Give him a multi vitamin if need be.

Desserts I find are distracting. Why reward kids for eating? Isn't eating rewarding in of itself? Stop doing dessert until your son develops a better eating habit.

You can always give a treat later on after the meal....unrelated to the meal.

Talk in general about how when you are hungry you eat and it feels really good, the vitamins in the different foods give you energy. Let him express his feelings about food even if they are all negative...go with it let him get it out of his system. Lightly say that it might be he hates certain things now...but that could change with time because people change, and also because he might change his mind.

Let him be. Today's day we have so much food, if we cut out the junk....there is nothing to worry about.

Gold Member Joined: Apr 06 2006 Posts: 1492

I'd also cut out the dessert (for everyone), except for Shabbat. If the child is hungry, they should know that they will eat nutritious food to fill them up.

Gold Member Joined: Dec 24 2009 Posts: 2433

I'm finding this thread fascinating. My 8 yo DD with ADD used to be a great eater. Now her ADD meds have killed her appetite. For a child that used to be able to pack away four hot dogs or 2-3 slices of pizza (I know, not the most nutritionally best foods but,), now I'm lucky if I can get 1 hot dog, 1/2 slice of pizza into her. She's lost so much weight that she's looking relatively skeletal. Also she's a dairy addict. If it wasn't for haolam cheese sticks I don't know what she would eat.

I put a tray of cut vegetables on the table every shabbos while I'm getting ready for the seudah and my kids munch away. At the meal I tell them they have to take 2 kinds of veggies on their plate and eat either fish or meat or there is no dessert.

My other DD takes after her mommy and is a little zaftig.

It's hard all around...
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