Why Is the responsibility for Relations on the Man

Okay, first of all, I am VERY glad the Torah makes it the Husband's responsibility to give his wife relations acc to the ketuba instead of vice versa (I would hate the idea if it were the other way around, because that would just seem innapropriate)..but my question is WHY is that, from a purely logical standpoint?

I asked a mashpia and she told me that for a woman to be deprived of relations causes her more agmas nefesh than a man, since relations to a woman affects her emotionally and psychologically as well as physically. I asked her "to men it is just physical?" she said "to women relations represents something deeper in the heart and it causes her more pain to be deprived than a man.

This is what makes me really respect Judaism, because even though spilling seed in vain is a huge aveira, still, women are not commanded to be with their husbands and their every whim, like in other cultures and are not their property.

At the same time, I feel a bit unsettled...does this imply that it doesn't cause a man as much suffering to be deprived by his wife?

Anyone have any thoughts on this matter, or hear from a rabbi or a frum counselor or a kallah teacher some insights on this..

Thanks

OP
I had a thought
could it be because if a husband doesn't touch his wife and she strays chas v'shalom she is liable for the death penalty whereas if a man strays its a lighter aveira? Therefore deprivation would cause her to feel more frustrated?

OP bumping this.

Wow, no one is interested about this topic? It has all the ingredients of a hot thread..it's about intimacy, power dynamics of men and women, emotional issues, different views of Jewish Marriage..etc..

no one is interested????

Platinum Member Joined: Nov 01 2009 Posts: 8187

I think in a practical sense, men generally have a higher se-x drive so it would be cruel to force a woman into more se-x than she wants. Especially post partum and times of low drive.

Is it cruel to withhold se-x from your spouse? Depends on why you are withholding.
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Silver Member Joined: May 10 2005 Posts: 913 Location: USA

It is indeed a very interesting topic. I always thought it was the opposite. That the wife has an obligation to her husband.
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I cannot imagine it is related to the punishment. That does not sound the Torah way.

I think it has a lot to do with Tznius, nd the feelings of a women.

Posted: Tue, Aug 10 2010, 3:13 pm Post subject:

Silver Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 836

It is the curse of the woman-'vehu yimshel bach'
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Platinum Member Joined: Nov 04 2008 Posts: 7908

Because men WANT sx more, but women NEED it more.
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Platinum Member Joined: Nov 04 2008 Posts: 7908

Posted: Tue, Aug 10 2010, 3:42 pm Post subject:

Many things in our religion are stereotypical. Why would this be any different?
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Platinum Member Joined: Nov 04 2008 Posts: 7908

Hormones induce feelings of calm and euphoria. You can't really separate the physical from the emotional.

Silver Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 836