"no one in my class has to..."

Posted: Wed, May 12 2010, 9:20 pm Post subject: "no one in my class has to..."

from my 14 yr old "...make their own lunches"(also has to make her sisters), "...walk to school" (should take 10 to 15 min)

from my 9 year old (telling me since she was 8) "...tidy their own rooms", "fold their laundry"

so what gives? Am I a bad mother? am I making my kids do hard labor?

that smiley was supposed to be 8. Don't know why it turned into a smiley, maybe coz of the ) next to it

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 11 2010 Posts: 3058

Sounds to me like you are doing your job right. And they are too-sending you on a guilt trip is one of their jobs children do to perfection. Don't let it get to you. Just say calmly, "in our house, we xyz, every mother runs her home differently, this is how we run ours." Keep repeating it till they can recite it themselves. You never know, it might sink in. Don't automatically believe generalizations such as the ones you mentioned. Kids think there's power in numbers; half the mothers probably make their kids do the exact same thing Smile

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Platinum Member Joined: Mar 07 2007 Posts: 10429

1. There is never such a thing as "everyone in my class" does anything or 'no one in my class" does anything. That's a myth and dd's skewed, put-upon perception. We had exactly the same perceptions in our days and probably still do. We see what we want to see.

2. So who cares what "all the other kids" do or don't do? You're your child's mother and your sole interest is her well-being, not that of her classmates.

At some point in 20 or 40 years, your dc will suddenly understand that the "mean" mothers who make their kids eat their veggies, clean their rooms, do their homework, write thank-you notes to Tante Gertrude, and brush their teeth are the good ones.

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 07 2007 Posts: 10429

BTW, did you never tell dd who walks to school how at her age you had to walk barefoot in the dark 6 miles thru the snow to get to school, and it was uphill both ways? Not to mention you had to chop wood for the fire before you left?

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 29 2007 Posts: 12057

I have no problem asking my dd to make her own lunch. I would have more of a problem making her responsible to do all her siblings'. I was responsible for my own laundry & lunches around age 12. I had no problem with it & I plan to do this for my children. I would have truly resented it if I had to spend half my evening making everybody elses.

Thanks guys,

groismama that is actually what I say to them, thanks for validating that I'm saying the right thing.

Louche, yeah I figured as much and tried explaining that.

re what I did, lol no they wouldn't believe me if I told them what you suggested. Maybe if I told them my parents did... LOL

chaylizi she only has to make one sibling's lunch, is that still too mean?

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 12 2009 Posts: 13155

I just read the Chinuch Roundtable in last week's Yated on this topic. If you can get hold of it I'm sure you'll feel validated.

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 11 2010 Posts: 3058

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 12 2009 Posts: 13155

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

Starting from 5th grade until I graduated high school I prepared 5-10 lunches every night, for my siblings and even for my father! (I hated it, especially because all I got were complaints, except from one older brother.)
A message from me: she's lucky she's only responsible for 1 or 2.
_________________
The Chanukah licht transcends all.

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 07 2007 Posts: 10429

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 26 2009 Posts: 2510

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

No, I don't carry any resentment at all. I'm happy to have helped out and taken one thing off my mother's head.

Executive Member Joined: Dec 01 2009 Posts: 395

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 12 2009 Posts: 13155