Am I Being Overprotective? Young Children Playing Outside

Silver Member Joined: Apr 26 2010 Posts: 983 Location: NJ

I live on a fairly quiet block with a cul-de-sac at the end. There is definitely regular car and foot traffic but it is not a busy street. The yards are not fenced in and we each have a driveway in front of our house. Many of my neighbors allow their young children to play outside unsupervised. We are talking about 4yr olds out alone and even 2 yr olds being 'watched' by those 4yr olds or 6yr olds. My dd is 3-1/2 and is friends with many of these kids. Most of them have many older sibs, she is our first (we waited a long time for her). I am not comfortable with her being outside unless an older (10 & up, depending), responsible child or adult is willing to watch them. I can not always make myself available for this. So far she's been pretty good about it, but I see problems coming, especially this summer. (I am expecting and do not do well with the heat) Am I being overprotective? Are my neighbors crazy? At what age do you think it's safe to let a child play outside on their own? Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.

Silver Member Joined: May 20 2009 Posts: 509 Location: CT

No, you are not being overprotective. You are doing your job. It might help this summer to hire one of the older girls who you feel is responsible to watch your child outside when you cannot. I've done that for a few dollars a week or a swap of some kind (sewing lessons, baking challa). IF I were you, I wouldn't say anything to your neighbors (though I personally agree that their behavior is irresponsible). If they comment that you are overprotective, shrug and say that it's just your own mishegas. Or just say what you mentioned in your post -- that you waited a long time for her. You are in the right in this situation, and I don't care what subsequent posters say. There is way to much abjuration of responsibility going on in our circles, mostly b/c ppl are very busy, which is a legitimate reason but not an excuse.

Silver Member Joined: Apr 26 2010 Posts: 983 Location: NJ

Thanks Sim, you are making me feel much better! I didn't think I was the crazy one in this situation.
Your idea about hiring is good except that most of the time the issue comes up in the afternoon (2-5) when the littler kids are home but the big ones are still in school/ camp. Later, the big kids are out anyway and they usually don't mind keeping an eye on the little ones.

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 16957

I live on a CITY BLOCK, no cul de sac, and kids age 3 and 4 regularly play outside. msot are watched by older sisters -as in, 8 year old sisters - but 1 or 2 kids are the oldest - there's a 5 yr old boy that's been playing alone for 2 yrs outside. My 4 1/2 yr old would LOVE to go outside but I don't let him. I can't go with him as my 2 yr old would run to the street immediately or be very angry in his stroller. so he ends up going out only when dh can take him right before or after supper.

yorue doingn the right thing.
_________________
http://www.autism-parenting.com

Executive Member Joined: Jan 16 2008 Posts: 280

I also never leave my kids alone outside unless there is somone atleast older than 10 watching them. I live on a quiet circle.People think I'm crazy and my children think I'm way to over protective. Even when my 10 year old is playing ball outside by himself, I'll keep running to the window to check up on him. You know with all those crazy stories out there you never know.

I was abducted at age 3 in flatbush.
so no you are not crazy. children go through unimaginable
suffering when hurt at the hands of other adults. a friend of mine
lost a grandchild in boro park when he ran into the street.

So let people think you are overprotective.. Be overprotective!
it's your right your duty as a good mother!!

be proud of it and do whatever you can to give your child outside
play time when you are able. I.e, after b'shaah Tova or on cool days.
I know in NY today was a very cool day.

Either way keep up the good work and it's good to come for reasurances here.
there are some people that are too overprotective and the kids grow
up dependent and incompetent. Your daughter is 3 and a half she has plenty
of time to grow her independence!

brocha, v'hatzlocha!!

You are not overprotective. The other parents are negligent. And this is coming from a parent who is called overprotective quite often (and proud of it Wink

)

Gold Member Joined: Oct 12 2009 Posts: 1479

You are not overprotective. You are protective. That's what you're supposed to be. I am also a responsible protective mother. I didn't wait long for my kids. I still treasure them, though Wink

. A neighbor once asked me if I think nothing will ever happen to my kids. If it's ch"v bashert, it will happen, she said. I told her that I don't think nothing can happen to them. But if ch"v something does, I will be spared the guilt that irresponsible parents may have to live with for the rest of their lives. This is aside from the chiyuv we have towards our children who aren't able to protect themselves or make the right choices when it comes to dangerous play.