Do you alow your kids to talk "shtussim"?

DD was getting bored in the kitchen while I was prepping for the seuda, and she started asking some silly questions. She's 9. I told her I really enjoy listening to her and having discussions with her, but when she's out of material, she doesn't just have to just "talk". DH, however, feels that you should let your child talk, or else you risk shutting them down. But I insisted I don't want to raise a "stupid kid".

WWYD????

They're kids, for heavens sake. A little silliness and shtuss will NOT make them stupid. Sometimes kids have trouble differentiating between what's appropriate and what's shtus. A little shtussim never harmed anyone, and I do agree with your DH about shutting them down - amnd out.

I dont understand the question.
What do you considere shtussim?
Why is your child not permitted to just engage in idle chit chat?!
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I guess that depends on what you mean by shtussim. I have one child that just rattles on about anything. She really isn't talking to anyone, and it can get me on edge...not to mention other people on edge. But if she is engaged in idle chatter, speculation, impossible dreams etc I let her go on.

It is when the "conversation" is nothing but random sentences that I get annoyed.
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Silver Member Joined: May 07 2009 Posts: 591

It does depend on what you mean by shtussim. I can't stand when my kids talk to me about a video they saw and start telling me the whole video detail for detail, but on the other hand, I'll let them do that about a book or free associate about almost anything else (even though it can sometimes be annoying). I agree with your DH that it's really important for your kids to feel free with you to talk about whatever they want, but I also think that you can teach them that it's not socially appropriate (with people outside of parents) to just talk for the sake of talking.

Executive Member Joined: Mar 22 2010 Posts: 321

OP,

please tell us what you mean by shtussim.

Allowing your child to talk will most likely make them smarter and more eloquent and verbal.

She is 9. 9 year olds still pretend and work through their problems through fantasy etc.

I think shutting your child up is the worst thing you can do. Even if she is talking about nothing. Imagine what kind of self esteem and foundation your are putting in your daughters mind that you are interested in whatever she has to say.

Listen to your child when she is 9 so she will talk to you when she is 15.

The only one who is stupid is a parent who makes her child be quiet. on the other hand... what are these shtussim you are speaking of? Is it not tznius things? it's it goyishe things?

of course if it's talking about something that is not appropriate guiding your child to a healthy more appropriate topic would be better... but not because she would be stupid otherwise. You can't expect 9 year olds to have deep conversations. so all in all the answer to you post is what do you mean by shtussim??

P.S.

She's only 9 now but if she can't talk to you she will find someone else to talk to. with all the risks of internet and predators out there. I beg you listen to your child. on the other hand it's ok to ask for quiet time if you need some quiet.....
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Platinum Member Joined: Nov 04 2008 Posts: 7894

Wait, how does letting her talk make her a "stupid kid"?
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Hi, it's OP here.

Thanks for the responses. By shtussim I mean asking stupid questions because she is out of talking material. Questions you fell like yelling stop asking dumb stuff. But I am getting your drift posters, I should perhaps listen to those too, even if it promotes her looking for more stupid things to ask?
Just wondering.

Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7230

If she likes to talk, you can play a fun game. Use a timer, say a topic and give her sixty seconds. She must talk about that topic for 60 seconds. If she pauses for 3 seconds or says um 3 times or goes off topic even once she is out. We play this game on shabbos and it is loads of fun for kids who love to talk. You can make the topics more or less obscure, I.e. pajamas, or electromagnetic fields.

Diamond Member Joined: Nov 12 2005 Posts: 2715

maybe shes bored or just wants your attention.

I have a wonderful DD who cannot let 3 seconds go by without talking (we've tested it Wink

). At times it really gets on my nerves and my DH has even less patience than me but I try really hard to indulge her since she needs it. When I tell her I need her to be quiet for a little while so I can pay attention to a recipe or just read a book she has a very hard time, she really can't control herself, so I try to let her go on about whatever she needs to. She's also very sensative so I feel like she needs this type of attention for some reason and I try to just take some deep breaths and tune her out. Embarassed

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Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48139

I had a coworker's kid who was like that. only wanted to discuss blood and gore. it was obvious to me that he didn't get enough attention at home.

Op here,

She's not a blabber mouth. She happens to be a deep thinker and a kid with lots of knowledge. She reads a lot, and absorbs it all. It just so happens, that whenever I'm alone with her, and have exhausted all topics of discussions, she'll like "dig" to find something to talk about, and sometimes it's just stupid talk, not gory or inappropriate, just babyish or such. I don't like that.

Can someone please explain why my sincere posting was reported?

Isn't a mother allowed to worry about her DD?

Did I disobey any rules?

Is shtussim an inappropriate term on imamother?

My feelings are hurt.

Platinum Member Joined: May 13 2007 Posts: 8153

I wouldnt be concerned about talking shtussim at that age I think. My sister which is reaching her 30's always talks shtussim, meaning she thinks that if there are people sitting around and no one is talking then she has to talk about something/someone and it drives everyone crazy. Also if she meets someone at the doc office or such she also thinks that she has to entertain them and make conversation,if you dont know her you can really think she is slow or something.
So yes I understand your concern but I think you have time to deal with it once your daughter can understand the concept that you dont always have to talk. Personally I think my sister should have gotten proffesional help in her teens but now its too late.

Posting as amother in case any of my family members are on here.

Executive Member Joined: Mar 22 2010 Posts: 321

OP,

what do you mean by stupid questions?

Questions are a very good way for a child to learn.
Can you give an example?

Are they stupid cuz she knows the answer? because if so it can be a good time to teach her to think for herself.... reflect the question back to her etc.

Your post does seem sincere and it is good that you want what is best for your daughter. Because she is still so young in all likelihood it's best for you to let her talk.

But incessant talking isn't socially appropriate either so she needs to learn that sometimes quiet time is ok too... like you said. she can learn to be with her own thoughts too...

So basically I'm still not sure what kind of stupid questions she may be asking but more importantly both you and your husband are correct and went what's best for your child.

She needs to express herself and that she wants to talk to you is great... she most likely just needs a little direction. The trick is to do it very very gently and lovingly so that she doesn't feel rejected and like you don't want to hear what she has to say.

Trust me a 9 year old talking incessantly gives me a huge headache just thinking about it and it's important for her to not do that with friends either so it's a social learning thing too.

You are doing great!! Keep looking out for what's best for your DD!!!

Executive Member Joined: Apr 25 2006 Posts: 404

My DD is also 9 and loves to talk. When we get to that point I like to ask her to sing! She has an ok voice and we both enjoy singing...she is still getting the attention and I don't feel like I am completely shutting her down.