DD's classmate's father passed away unexpectedly...

in a terrible accident. I'm one of the class mothers. Should we try to do something for the mother whose husband passed away? The school is arranging something for the kids with Chai Lifeline and I spoke with my daughter briefly. Any advice?
_________________
I don't share my thoughts because I think it will change the minds of people who think differently. I share my thoughts to show the people who already think like me that they're not alone.

BDE

I think you should find out what the families are doing and if needed, perhaps step in to help. I would imagine that just after shiva is a time when she can use support, even if it's just suppers, taking her kids for a break so she can have alone time when needed or to take care of things.

So sad.
_________________
Live the life you want to live. Be the person you want to remember. Make decisions. Make mistakes. If you failed, at least you tried.
~~~~~
I don't claim to know everything, nor do I think my opinion rules. It's just that - an opinion. Smile

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 29 2007 Posts: 12058

It would be nice if someone could clue the girls in about how to talk to their classmate. Don't let them make her feel like a nebech or an outcast or someone to look down on. I lost my father during the summer before first grade. A girl who was later one of my closest friends told me later that she was afraid of me because I didn't have a father. I was traumatized & I probably talked about it more than was socially acceptable & it was a terrible start to elementary school.

Posted: Sun, Mar 14 2010, 9:09 pm Post subject:

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 29 2007 Posts: 12058

Posted: Sun, Mar 14 2010, 9:16 pm Post subject:

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 29 2007 Posts: 12058

It's a tough call at that age. My oldest is also in first grade. I'm not sure how I would address it either. My heart just goes out to kids who have such a life altering loss & to make it worse, are then shunned by peers.

Posted: Sun, Mar 14 2010, 9:30 pm Post subject:

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 29 2007 Posts: 12058

Posted: Sun, Mar 14 2010, 9:44 pm Post subject:

I remember when I was in high school a boy lost his father. He was out of school for like a month, then came back, and we only heard through rumours what happened. No one said or did anything.
_________________

"You will have many many children and make successful shidduchim beh", rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me

Beginner Joined: Feb 15 2010 Posts: 5

Things to do:

1. Find out if there is a "coordinator" to arrange things. If so, work through her so efforts are not wastefully duplicated.

2. Help keep home functioning, I.e. meals, carpools.

3. Include children in outings, camping trips, play dates. Take boys to minyan.

4. Assume the mother is somewhat distracted. Offer to pick up things on shopping trips, call when you're going to purchase things for Yom tov. Call when you're registering your kids for Little League, camp, etc. to ask if she needs an application.

5. Ask the local Rav if there is a fund to provide those things that may not now be affordable, like camp, household repairs.....or food.

6. Explore befriending the widow. Her life as she knows it has ended, and she now needs greater social contact outside her home. And who knows? The life you enrich may be your own!