How to respond to "I Hate You Mommy"

When DD gets frustrated with me she yells "I hate you!!!" What's the best way to respond?
I usually say
"But I love you anyway!"
"That's not a nice thing to say to a mommy a totty or ANYONE"
"Youre making mommy very sad inside"

She doesnt seem to care cuz she keeps doin it. Am I supposed to ignore (I tried but she says it a million times & gets louder with each one Shocked

Sorry I'm anony cuz im embarrased

Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7230

Don't be embarrassed, all kids do this.

Be very casual. Like she is telling you she hates green beans.

"Okay, that's nice. You still have to clean up your toys."

"Okay, I love you, but you can hate me all you want. You still can't have the lollypop and if you keep making noise and hurting my ears you're going to be in time out."

Gold Member Joined: Apr 16 2005 Posts: 1943

Senior Member Joined: May 02 2008 Posts: 138

I always answer, "well, I love you", and go back to what I was doing - disciplining or whatever. It's not worth getting into a conflict over.

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 07 2007 Posts: 10429

Silver Member Joined: Dec 01 2006 Posts: 688

I try to validate the feelings behind those comments, but then to impose whatever limit I need to. So I might say "It seems like you're really upset at me, but you still need to cleanup the toy/turn off the light etc."

I defiently stick to my guns about what I need, but also let my kids know that I get the message of what they are feeling...I always try to keep what I say to be about them and their feelings, not how their comments make me feel.

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3554

Executive Member Joined: Jan 28 2009 Posts: 327

Here's a VERY slightly difference response from the good ones here that suggest a matter-of-fact response. My daughter was always very aware of nuances and used to hate it when I said "I don't care" in any sentence having to do with her so I used to say some variation of "I'm sorry you feel that way right now. You still have to do X, and I love you, n o matter how angry you get at me." if you're someone who likes to analyze, you'll notice that I allowed her to have her feelings, assured her that her anger wouldn't affect my love for her, and told her that feelings can't get in the way of actions here.
As she got older and it seemed that the "I hate you" was more an expression of frustration or anger with some other part of her life, I'd wait a bit until things were calmer (and I was calm) and I'd stick a note under her door, saying that if she wanted to talk, I was glad to listen.

Yeah, I know the feeling. I hate Bubby. Evil or Very Mad

_________________
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Gold Member Joined: Oct 29 2005 Posts: 1016 Location: ny

In the moment, don't push the conversation. A simple "I'm sorry you are upset/sad/feeling that way" is enough. Let her calm down for a few minutes, then a hug, then have her do whatever you wanted her to do and only then after the storm, sit down and talk about it.

Platinum Member Joined: Jun 30 2009 Posts: 8228