Agressive /angry 7 yr old: HELP!!!!

I need some help with my 7 yr old son.
ever since he was 2 he's been this tornado of energy, getting into trouble, destroying things out of anger, etc.
he's been pretty aggressive towards his siblings when he's upset by something. I've been telling him he needs to learn to control his anger, and he tells me he's tryng but sometimes he just cant.
I've made him a points chart for every time he controls himself and doesnt kick his brother for some little thing that ticked him off. mostly it helps, but there are times I tell him when he gets angry, control yourself, you'll get a point, (and then a prize) and he responds with this tight look on his face, I cant, and shoves his brother to the floor.
when he fights with his brother (who is the same size as him), he doesnt just kick and walk away, he fights like an animal, seriously, it scares me, he'll jump on him, and hurt him badly if I dont get there in time. he can fight off kids twice his size, if it wasnt so bad, I'd be impressed with how well he can fight.

I dont know how to control him, and the worst part is that my post sounds like he's a wild animal, but he's the sweetest kid. when he's alone with me, we can have very mature conversations about abstract concepts. he loves staying up late to spend alone time with me and his father.
but when he's with the younger kids, either he'll be the fun of the party, making up games to play, or he'll be annoyed, and angry, and I can see the anger brewing inside him. I cant always separate him from his siblings, his siblings love to play with him, and my son hates to be sent away to play alone. but I can tell that he cant handle it sometimes.
I dont know what to do, I've tried everything, giving him attention, showing him lots of love, which does help him calm down. and also being tough on him, being very firm, and strict with punishments when he crosses the line. that never works, except temporarily.
when I asked him what I should do to help him control his anger, he told me to show him love, and hug him, it would help him. and I try and when I can get to him, it works, but when he's too angry, I'm afraid to come too close b/c he'll kick ME or push me instead. (which he's done and gotten punished for it, of course, but it doesnt end)
how can I teach him to control his anger? telling him about either a punishment or a prize doesnt seem to help once he's gotten into it. do they make anger management classes for kids his age?

I've gone through this and medication has been my only salvation. Without it, I would have been in the mental institution by now. Have you brought your child to a psychiatrist? Any therapy? My child goes once a week and my child LOVES it. This behavior isn't normal and needs to be treated with the understanding of what it is from. Perhaps Oppositional Defiance disorder or something like that. Typical punishment or even positive reinforcement isn't enough for these children.

Reflection corner:

Designate one corner of the house and make a sign that reads "reflection corner". When you see him (or any of your children) begin acting up, in a stern voice (no yelling) give him a warning. If the behavior continues, lift him up and put him in the reflection corner. He has to sit there for 7 minutes (one minute for every year of his age).

Every time he leaves the corner, you put him back and the 7 minutes start again.

Once his 7 minutes are up, you go over to him and repeat, calmly, "Mommy put you in the reflection corner because you did not stop fighting with your sister when I told you to (or whatever the reason). Now I would like an apology."

Do not let him get away without apologizing, properly.

It takes time and patience, but once he sees you mean business (without raising you voice/losing control) he will sit his 7 minutes without any trouble and you will begin to see dramatic changes to his behavior.

It works! No need to medicate unless absolutely necessary!

above amother here:

sometimes we think we our parenting skills are fine and the problem lays with our kids. Most often, that is not the case. By keeping calm and showing who is boss, he will get the message...

I also find that children like your son need the extra attention. Keep giving him the great quality time with you and your dh, regardless of how he acted that day.

OP here
first amother, thanks for your post, I know medication would probably help him but I really really dont want to go that route.
second amother, while I appreciate your attempt to help, time outs are not the solution I am looking for. I have tried it hundreds of times and its made no difference in his behaviour.

perhaps what I am looking for is something that an ordinary child will never have a need for.
I have other children too, and they are all well behaved with normal levels of sibling rivalry. this child is not even close to the same level.

first amother, can you elaborate on what your child has that was medicated for?
is it ADD? ODD?
I have considered the idea of ADHD since he has many of the symptoms, gets distracted easily, forgets what I just told him 3 times within a few seconds, etc. but he's doing fantastic in school. so technically he cant have ADHD. I think he just has anger problems. he's also very intense with his emotions. he's either super happy (jumping off the walls) or super angry (jumping off the walls again) or super clingy needing lots of attention. rarely just medium. and cries easily too. honestly I think the description "hormonal teenage girl" would fit him best. but he isnt...... Rolling Eyes

I just dont know what to think at this point.

I'll concur with the original poster - reflection corner sounds great in theory, but in my case, which sounds similar to hers, we are dealing with a child who will defy a time out in his room by simply banging doors, writing on walls, throwing things out his window, etc. How am I supposed to get him to sit and reflect? He turns violent in a second.

New Amother: I also have a 7yo boy who has anger issues (also has ADHD, which he is on meds for). Whenever he doesn't get his way, he goes on the war path. We have taken away toys, lost out on activities/trips, to no avail. DH believes that all he needs is a good spanking. I disagree, but tried it - still nothing. I was taking him to see a therapist, but they don't seem to help. Have been thinking about taking him to see a psychologist.

Watch supernanny on you tube, she has some great tips for real agressive kids.

It sounds like it could be ADHD; get it checked out by a neurologist. For ADHD kids you need different parenting techniques; they do not learn from consequences and they operate on immediate wants. Star charts do not work. Also you can punish and punish and it won't usually help.

If it's ADHD please get help for you child's sake - medication helps them, it is not something to 'shut them up' because you want peace and quiet.

A child can be doing very well at school and still have ADHD - it manifests itself differently with different children. My ADHD dd can sit and read a book for hours, and I didn't get her the help she needed soon enough because I couldn't believe she had ADHD if she could concentrate. If you child is very bright he might be getting 90s anyway.