A terrible mom?

Senior Member Joined: Aug 14 2008 Posts: 119

I have an 8 month old baby. he has been sick for a week. when he wakes up at night he cries untill I come to rock him back to sleep or nurse him. is it wrong of me to put him down in his crib and let him cry for 10 min. ( after falling asleep in my arms I try to put him in the crib but he wakes up crying as soon as I put him down - 3x).
keep in mind he use to only wake up 2 times at night and now its about 10 times - no sleep for mom. dad does help at night.
we do hold him alot when he is up and cuddle him - he is not well.

please help?

Executive Member Joined: Dec 09 2007 Posts: 464

Babies are like that...their sleep patterns are disturbed when they are sick. Unfortunately all they want is mommy and all mommy wants is to sleep.

I get up as many times as I need to soothe my baby. I generally do not allow him to cry in the middle of the night because at least one of us (meaning DH) should get some rest. I only let him cry when I put him to sleep for naps/bedtime, but if he's still crying after 5 or so minutes then I come back to soothe him.

If he keeps on waking up when you put him down, wait awhile before putting him back in the crib. I just continue rocking and patting my baby until he is fast asleep.

Refuah Shelayma!

Posted: Mon, Oct 19 2009, 9:06 pm Post subject: re: a terrible mom?

what is your baby sick with?
If its just a cold, and he's not too uncomfortable, then I would say its ok to let him cry.
(But if baby is really sick and uncomfortable, then I would be a little nicer, but once he's better, you're going to have let him cry again (if thats what you were doing before)

Senior Member Joined: Aug 14 2008 Posts: 119

he has fever,no apatite, not acting like himself.
I do pick him up at night and spend the 30 min. rocking a crying baby doing everything possible to comfort him and give him his needs. I feel that he maybe after nursing him, rocking him for 10 min. patting on the pack that I should let him cry for 10 min.
I feel that after a week of constent picking up from any small complaint/cry. he has gotten use to this and has forgotten how to go to sleep. he is a little better today b'h but still has fever and still not his active self.

do you think I should follow through or just hang in there and wait till he is 100% himself to retrain him and try to wean off of night time feeding? ( I would not stop with nursing now at time bec. thats all the food he is getting now)

Posted: Mon, Oct 19 2009, 9:30 pm Post subject: re: a terrible mom?

did you take him to the doctor?

Senior Member Joined: Aug 14 2008 Posts: 119

yes. he said it should go away in a few days. if not then call him again.

Posted: Mon, Oct 19 2009, 9:40 pm Post subject: re: a terrible mom?

I think its fine to let him cry himself to sleep a little.
He will get a better night sleep and be more rested.
If he's basically fine, and you don't think he's up because he is in pain,
he just got spoiled and you need to retrain him.
Good luck! Don't worry, he will sleep normaly again and you will get a good night sleep eventually!

Posted: Tue, Oct 20 2009, 12:56 am Post subject: re: a terrible mom?

Wait until he's feeling better before changing what you're doing now. He might have a new habit that you'll need to help him out of, but he might go back to a better sleep schedule once he feels good.
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Senior Member Joined: Aug 14 2008 Posts: 119

thanks for all the advice. last night I basically left him if he was just kevtching( 5 mim. max.) and he only woke up about 5 times last night. so there is progress even when he is not feeling well.

Gold Member Joined: Jul 14 2008 Posts: 2107

Oy! I just went through this with my 7 month old! She had croup (ended up at the hospital because she couldn't breathe) and then it turned into a bad cold...followed immediately by a cough. She was seriously sick for a month. I almost collapsed from exhaustion because she just needed so much care and was so clingy. I felt so sorry for her that I held her as much as she wanted. I never felt that she was taking advantage of me...I just felt that she needed that because she was sick.

As for sleeping...I really really feel for you. I know what it's like to wake up exhausted OR to wake up and say "WOW! Three hours of sleep. I feel rested today!". It's so hard. A woman in my city gave me such amazing advice when I told her that I was a basketcase and falling apart from exhaustion. She said "When you wake up in the morning and you feel sick from exhaustion and you feel like you simply cannot go on, sit on the side of your bed for a moment and close your eyes and say the following - "I am really tired, but this will not kill me. It is ok for me to be tired, but I still have to get through my day. I will feel better after a shower. I will get another chance at rest tonight". And then just go on with your day. I found it really really helped me a lot.

As for letting your little one CIO. You're definitely not a bad mommy. I know this is super obvious, but is there any way possible for you to transfer the baby into the crib VERY VERY gently so as not to wake him? Sometimes it would take me 3 or 4 tries with my baby, but eventually she would stay asleep when I put her down! When my daughter was sick, I didn't let her CIO, but only because she had such trouble breathing and could not fall asleep if she was crying. The crying made her breathing so much worse. So I always held her until she was asleep.

Do NOT misunderstand me! I'm not against CIO. I used it on my own daughter and it worked amazingly. I'm just trying to find ways to help you get through this rough time with your baby!

Whatever you choose, don't feel like a bad mom. Your baby is very very needy right now. You need a break too.
xx
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Posted: Tue, Oct 20 2009, 9:32 am Post subject:

When they're tiny and sick is the only time I let them sleep on me. Not in my bed, but me sitting up in the "spare" room and them on my chest. A lot of times they just can't breathe in their cribs when they're sick. (Hey, I need 3 extra pillows to prop myself upright when I'm sick, why wouldn't they?)
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