Spinoff of extended family thread-making aliyah

I was reading the extended family thread where everyone was discussing the importance of living near family to give your kids a sense of security, etc.

So how do those of you who made aliyah handle the family issue? We are considering aliyah but are a bit concerned about moving to a country where we have no extended family (other than klal yisrael, of course Wink

).

How have you dealt with it?

Posted: Sat, Aug 29 2009, 11:15 pm Post subject:

The family issue is something really holding me (not my husband) from making aliyah.
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Boy 10, Boy 8, Girl 7, Boy 5, Boy 3, Boy 15 months

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 29 2006 Posts: 4461

As I said in the other thread, I have been here nearly 39 years without family and have visited the states 3 times. Neither I or they have money. My mil visited once a year but is a difficult person and always left our family fighting and I got calls from school counselors.

Israel was a deal breaker fo me and I never even considered not making aliya. In every way I see that I have made the right decision. Especially in chinuch.

Israel is not like moving for other reasons and I have always said that if c"v I had to go back there is no doubt that I would live in the city where I grew up. However, the schools I would have needed are not the kind I could justify sending my kids to (and paying through the nose for). I have spoken to many people in pm and there is not really schools that I would want. But my youngest are in yeshiva now so it would matter less. Halachically it is different as well.

I love and miss my family so much they even got me on facebook. I would not recommend this just for a job or even learning. I now have bli ayin hara 9 grandchilden and one on the way. My DS is having his vort this week and we are finally an extended family. DD just moved 15 minutes from us so the entire family lives within 15 minutes of each other but in different yishuvim.
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There was a time when every brief saying one heard was regarded as a "Torah" (teaching, guidance), and everything one saw was perceived as an instruction in his avoda and conduct. - HaYom Yom

I was watching the nefesh bnefesh video of a flight of olim and thought the same.
everyone seemed to be met by friends or family.
what if nones waiting for me Sad

Moderator Joined: Dec 18 2008 Posts: 3612

Hey - we're here! Come!

For those of us leaving family behind when we make Aliyah, we make our own family once we settle down.

There are always 'Saba' and 'Savta' types who are as desperate for a visit or inclusion in the Shabbat/Yom Tov meal as we are to have a Savta-type figure in our children's lives.

No, it isn't a substitute for blood relatives. But think of it this way... you get to pick and choose your 'family' Smile

In addition, we schedule weekly video chats with the real grandparents so my kids at least 'see' them on a somewhat regular basis.
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Diamond Member Joined: Oct 29 2006 Posts: 4461

True. I have 4 "sisters" and had a "Saba" for my kids who unfortunately passed away. They know me better than my blood relatives. And they have shared my simchot and sorrows for the past 28 years.

And as I am older than YS I have my married children and gc. They all married Israelis so we now have 3 families. My kids have a pack of cousins now. Both my gc and the children of the bils and sils.

AIt was worth the wait.

We came knowing very few people and none in our area except for the few we met on our pilot trip. I have a brother here that I don't see often but it is nice to have some family connection. We have distant cousins here and there but we are not close (distance or relationship.)

I have to say that the friends you make here are so much better to have around than family sometimes. If you are so close to your family in chul that you can pop in for a meal on Shabbos without invitation, then that is hard to replicate. But, if you're like me who has some wonderful family that you don't get to see often, there's not much difference to being here sometimes. We do skype and facebook too. My MIL visits us 2 times a year. My parents, maybe every 2 years. We sort of prefer being on our own. Only my brother met us at the airport, we didn't have friends here yet. Anyone who asks, I will try to meet them at the airport!

I rely on my friends to get me through tough situations. To help with last minute canceling babysitters, a ride to somewhere, pick something up at the store for me, Shabbos invites, etc. It takes a little time but I find most people here are less bothered by doing favors than I found in the US. Especially the Israelis. Find a place that suits you well here and a community that you can count on, if that is what is important for you.

I do feel lonely sometimes. I am human. I don't have old friends here like in the States, only new ones. There's nothing like knowing someone for 20-30 years, but that would never be a reason for not making aliyah for me.

Like Imaonwheels said, I hope to build my own extended family here. I'll have to wait at least 10 years for that (probably more) but I'd rather be here waiting than anywhere else.

Gold Member Joined: Jul 07 2009 Posts: 1728

I've been living in Israel 9 years now of which I've been married 4.
It's definately hard living here w/o blood relatives.
what I've done and what I've found many other pple have done is create their own "extended family"
my children now have a bubby and zaidy (grandparents in the states are saba and savta and grandma and grandpa) they have "aunts" and "uncles" and "cousins" etc.
we have an american line and skype is also great. in fact I prob speak to my family more often living here than I would if I was there.
I"m not saying it's easy it really isn't but we do the best we can...