I keep second guessing...

Posted: Sun, Aug 09 2009, 8:01 pm Post subject: re: I keep second guessing...

I dunno guys my son was speaking beautifully when he started playgroup at age 2 and a quarter. every day I asked him all about group. did he like his morahs, what did he do, who did he play with, etc. my son is a major chatterbox, and is BH a bright boy. I felt I was getting a lot of info. the morah was extremely detailed about what my son did each day, and told me who he played with, what color crayon is his favorite, how much pasta he had for lunch, etc. maybe you ladies need to discover better playgroups. I looked long and hard for this one! the syrian community has amazing playgroups generally. I really did send him for him. not only for me. trust me money is tight and it was really not easy to scrape together the money, but he was bored at home.

Posted: Sun, Aug 09 2009, 8:04 pm Post subject: re: I keep second guessing...

good point bbmom. I signed my son up for playgroup in july! cuz I didnt think he would need it. but he did. hey nothing wrong with keeping a child home. not at all. but every situation is diferent, right?

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

Silver Member Joined: May 19 2009 Posts: 560

OK I have to add in my 2 cents! Warning I kept my oldest home until 4 & currently keeping 2nd child home.
I believe that if your are a sahm OP than don't rush to send your child to playgroup. If you are concerned that he/she isn't ready than you as the mother know your child best & there is no reason to push. Your kid will not be any smarter, more outgoing etc.. in the long run from being in school earlier. What your child will have is an excitement to go to school that alot of kids don't have anymore b/c they can't remember life b/f school.

On a general note, a neighbor of mine told me that her son was approved for ALOT of therapy. I was so shocked when she told me b/c he seemed like a regular kid. She said in school (he is under age 3) he cries non-stop & the teacher said this is not appropriate behavior for a child of his age. That is why she recomended him for services. I felt like telling my neighbor who is a sahm "lady your kid is 21/2. He's crying all day at play-group b/c he wants his mommy". Arent 21/2 allowed to cry for their mothers?

I felt so sad for them .What has happened to us? A baby cries for his mother and we all rush to give him special ed services?

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 29 2006 Posts: 4461

My post was answered like I like to put kids out. Again, almost everyone of my kids stayed with me until 3. I made a judgment call that my dd, my oldest, was not able to be without the round robin. I would always choose round robin or supervised mishpachton over maon if necessary. Here there is no such thing as a legal gan with one caretaker for 20 babies, the laws are stricter.

That said, my kids go to cheder at 3 because that is the age for cheder and maybe 4 for the unusually sensitive or weak. However, if I lived in a place like many in the US whee the 3 year olds have preschool instead of cheder - no alef beis or Chumash, morah instead of melamed - I would also keep my 3 year old home until we moved. I could not live in a community like that. I was one of the 3 parents who started the cheder here because being mixed or having morot was a deal breaker for me.

I am not "not keen on over stimulation", I am strongly anti and that goes for all the special developmental toys pushed on parents as part of the great pregnancy/birth/childraising industry. But what one mother said was not given enough attention. My kids who stayed home did not have tv, videos, etc to sub for me. They did have to sit in their room or the LR and amuse themselves part of the time. There is no need for 100% Mommy stimulation. I did the park with them and they did the shopping with me. I never worked out of the home when I had small children as a principle. However, experience showed me that at 3 most kids need and enjoy cheder until 1:20 but are anxious if the mother comes late and the others are being picked up.

At 3 my children go out at 3 because that is when their formal education begins.
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There was a time when every brief saying one heard was regarded as a "Torah" (teaching, guidance), and everything one saw was perceived as an instruction in his avoda and conduct. - HaYom Yom

[Mmmm, maybe because you have 9 kids your home is a bit different from, huh, almost everyone? And I feel for you if a 2 yr old conversation all day is enough for your personal needs. In my family BH the women are developped.

I was also going to get like you (mean and agressive) but a small look on your blog shows me you have an agenda. Fair enough. I'm there to discuss with other moms, not to get into crazy debates with biased people.[/quote]

[happy mom, your comments were rude. why are you so defensive anyways? yeah I zone out in front of my nonexistent TV all day, and sometimes my nonesxistent DVD player. oh also I often am on my nonexistent computer. (I actually do access this site from my fone, for maybe three quarters of an hour three times a week). and yeah I ignore my kids a lot, totally a great point. oh is THAT why theyre always bored? now I get it! thanks for clarifying! seriously, playgroups have nothing to do with kids having varied emotional isues. this world is no longer as family centered as it should be, no longer as calm as it used to be. moms work a lot, as this has become a neccesity often. life is too fast paced. yeshiva systems are just that: systems. often they are not the greatest systems. but to blame playgroups? uh pretty farfetched mama.[/quote]

Ruchel and gold21, I think you misunderstood my tone - I was definitely not telling you your homes weren't stimulating or accusing you of ignoring your kids all day. I was making the opposite point, not to criticize, but to encourage (and it was a point made in general, not to anyone specifically) - that short of ignoring them all day long, young kids are getting enough stimulation even if they are sometimes bored!

I don't come to this forum with the desire to bash anyone or criticize; I assume that everyone loves their child and is doing what they believe is the best for them. I've been a working mother and I've sent my young children out before the age of three, and I've been on the other side as well. I wasn't a neglectful mother who was selfish when I sent my young kids out, and I don't assume anyone else is, either.
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Posted: Mon, Aug 10 2009, 4:29 am Post subject: re: I keep second guessing...

Wow. Some of you were over-the-top harsh on Happymom. Some of us really like having a lot of time to talk to and interact with our 2-year-olds (and olders and youngers) and the thought that it could be boring for them or us to have them at home is just, well, unfathomable. "Boring" is a word I can honestly say has probably never been used in this house.

An earlier poster wrote "this world is no longer as family centered as it should be, no longer as calm as it used to be." I think the point that Happymom, myself, and others are making is that the world (our own little world, that is) CAN be family-centered. Our world CAN be as calm as any that came before. I would guess that that pretty much sums up any "agenda" that Happymom has. I strongly believe that many, many decisions that are made today are not in the best interest of children.

At least the OP is getting a wide variety of opinions to ponder!

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

I see now that you were referring to pulling kids out of unhappy situations as a luxury, not referring to knowing what's bothering your child.

I don't know why you think I'm accusing you of anything.

Posted: Mon, Aug 10 2009, 12:34 pm Post subject: re: I keep second guessing...

happy mom, I apologize if I misunderstood your point. thanks for clarifying. I guess everybody should decide whats right for their individual child, and avoid blanket statements such as "all two year olds need to be in a playgroup, even if the kid is a shy quiet mamas boy who enjoys playing with his little brother at home" or "no two year olds need playgroup, even if the child is a highly active social child and mommy has a newborn or is highly pregnant and therefore cannot provide the fun he requires, he should stay home and bond with Boredom"

Diamond Member Joined: Feb 02 2006 Posts: 4767

Posted: Tue, Aug 11 2009, 12:44 am Post subject: re: I keep second guessing...

OP Here. Hi everyone.

First, indeed I'm getting a wide variety of opinions. Which, btw, are just opinions. In the end, whatever we do with our children, as some posters put it, we all love them and want the best for them. But what's more is that despite our (sometimes heated) discussions on this forum, we also just want the best for each other as well. Because we're all part of klal yisroel; We're all part of each other, and although we have different opinions, in the end, we're there for each other. I have no doubt that if the debaters on this thread were neighbors, and one was in a tight spot, differences would be shed in an instant, and camaraderie would prevail, realizing a deep connection. All differences would become distant superfluousness, and be forgotten. And that's beautiful. Smile

But you all already know this, and I digress.

Those posters who said you can't decide these things a year in advance - I am totally feeling that.

After considering everyone's advice, I am leaning towards keeping her home, and I'm only moderately concerned about keeping her sufficiently stimulated throughout the day. (I'd like to set aside 1 on 1 time in addition to taking her out shopping, playground, etc.) But I am concerned about finding playdates and some social activities for her with children her age, as many of you pointed out that this is a difficult point nowadays.

Octopus, maybe it's the same group. It just occurred to me that by posting the cost, I kind of put it out there. If I do send her out, I'd be comfortable sending her there. I just regret that the hours are so long (9-2:45).