Live-in sitter (warning: long post)-reluctant. advice pls!!

currently we have a full time babysitter (like 9 to 5 or whatever) who takes care of our younger kids while we work, and picks up my oldest DD from nursery. We have an empty apartment in our basement (which has a totally separate entrance and you have to go around the entire house to get into, so no problems of yichud, etc) which we have been trying to rent for a few months (like to some college girls, a newlywed couple, etc), but haven't been successful, so it has been sitting empty for a while. My babysitter asked me how much it was going for and I told her, and she said although it is more than her current rent, she might be interested in it and can we discuss it. I pushed it off and said I need to ask my DH, he might have found someone to rent it....etc
I am very reluctant about having her live so close (/ with us)

This is the financial situation: we are listing it for 800. Her current rent where she is living is 550. So we might need to work something out because otherwise we would be "losing" 250 of rent a month. OTOH, its sitting empty right now, and so in that sense were losing 800 every month anyway, so this is better than nothing.

Here is my current list of pro's and cons, I would love all opinions and suggestions on this matter:
Pros:
1. we wouldn't need to call a babysitter (young girl, etc) if we wanted to go out at night most of the time, because she would be so close by. I know she has her own life, and it is not like she would be working 24/7, but I could more easily ask her, "can you come back from 8-9 so DH and I can run out to a wedding " or whatever, etc.
2. she often comes late because of the bus, which is tough on either one or both of us, this would totally eliminate that problem. I also pay for her bus pass, which isnt alot of money, but still, that is one thing less - say 100 dollars a month approximately.
3. one option I was thinking about is since she cant afford the full 800 rent (I assume, since I know how much she makes), maybe asking her to take on a few more hours like such as Shabbos afternoon for us to sleep, or more housekeeping things that normally I dont ask her to do. that would be nice for me.

Cons:
1. the idea of a live in makes me nervous, as she is married. so it would be her AND her DH. I do not want us to all be this buddy buddy one big happy family, I don't know how or where to draw that line without being rude
2. as much as her husband is a nice guy, I know he works less hours than her (its more day to day based on when he finds work) and I'm not one of those types (I see those posts on imamother) who is nervous about him with my kids, because then why would I leave my kids with a babysitter....but I am nervous about him maybe 'hanging out' with her all day and her not focusing on my kids. again though, I don't know how to set that kind of boundary (note they do not have kids. that would be an issue. its not)
3. even though the basement apartment is totally separated and has its own entrance (its not like a room in my basement, like I said you cant access it unless you go through a separate door) I am just nervous about the privacy factor (maybe that's the same as con #1, IDK).

no one?
bumping my post, sorry. please?

Where is the apartment? I have friends that need a place to live.

In terms of her and her DH living downstairs, one thing to keep in mind is that your peace of mind is most important. If it takes getting nanny cameras (which they know exist but have no idea that they are inside the clock on your wall, in the teddy bear in your baby's bedroom, etc) they will be less likely to be doing any funny business and she will make sure to be taking good care of your kids. That will avoid that "con."
Also, if they move downstairs, you can give her "free" rent by deducting $550 from her salary and also have them share in the utilities expense as well.
It definitely is very helpful to have your babysitter downstairs and you'll save money as well and many families do it (have "live in" nannies that get paid a LOT less than live out because they are getting room and board) but I still think that your peace of mind is more important than the money.
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One question, maybe a bit "off-topic," but I'm only asking since you yourself brought it up:
Just because you trust your sitter with your kids, why does that make it automatic that you trust her semi-employed, may-be-around-alot husband with them?

aviva, thanks.
we did have a nannycam years ago. and I saw, all the did was play with my kids, I was so happy. when it broke (it looked like a fire alarm in the ceiling, and then there was a clock alarm with blt in camera) I didnt replace because I trust her. so I am comfortable with her. I just am afraid the boundaries will get too blurred with her living close.
you are right. to make it simple maybe we can just deduct from her pay, I don't really know.

Posted: Fri, Jun 05 2009, 9:13 am Post subject:

sounds like you're having too close for comfort issues ... if you end up having a problem with her as a renter - it can effect the babysitting as well ... is this something you are willing to risk ...
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Posted: Fri, Jun 05 2009, 9:15 am Post subject:

Executive Member Joined: Dec 15 2006 Posts: 389

personally I wouldnt do it- too close for comfort- especially that she is married- just my opinion. You have to be 100 % comfortable with it otherwise dont do it

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 28 2005 Posts: 4656

Not addressing the babysitting concern, but I can relate to you as I have a similar "in-law suite" (as it was called by our real estate agent) rental area in my basement. Totally separate entrance, totally separate everything EXCEPT that it does not have laundry facilities. So I give our tenant (it is only suitable for one person, not big enough for a couple) one day a week to use our machines which is on "our" side of the basement. It is a loss of privacy in a sense...we originally had a female tenant; now we have a male one which makes it easier halachically on laundry days when we unlock the internal door to our side (ba'ala b'ir). Of course we asked a Rav about all this before we moved in.

Part of me would like to not rent out the space and feel like we have 100% privacy (and have a very nice option for guests to stay in) but it does bring in a nice amount of income - covers 1/3 of our mortgage payment. So as long as I don't need the space and it's just a privacy issue, I can't justify letting our tenant go.

Sorry I'm off topic here and not addressing your main concern.

workingmom3- thanks for your opinion. that is my gut feeling right now but I am torn

tova-your post isnt that off topic at all. while laundry isnt an issue (she is coming from a dilapidated building where having laundry on site is from the least of her concerns, she usually goes to a laundromat), rent - is. its annoying to us that its sitting empty, its a nice apartment, and we would like to rent it, and its still $ in our pocket that we dont have (or rather towards the mortgage....less than 1/3, but still good!)
again, Im torn. didnt talk about it with her today.

btw - small note - I wouldn't exactly call it a "live-in" when she would have a separate apartment ...

I'm going to take the other side of the argument for a moment.

What if you rent to someone else, who you don't know very well? There are a MILLION things that could go wrong. At least with the baby sitter, it's not an element of the unknown. I rented a house to a friend of a friend once, and it turned out that he threw wild parties 3 days a week. (No kidding) I kicked him out after a year, and it cost me over $5,000 in repairs just to get the house clean enough to sell, never mind getting it back to the way it was!

I'd give her a try, but before signing any agreements just sit down at the kitchen table with her and her husband, and have a talk. Tell them that you value their friendship and her services, and to make sure that everyone is comfortable with the arrangement everyone needs to be able to set boundaries and have open communication. Be honest. Tell her that you're not really sure how to do this without risking hurting their feelings, but assure them that you have everyone's best interests at heart.

Maybe SHE has some privacy issues as well, and is worried that you'll take advantage of her and take her for granted! This could be a good way for all of you to air your concerns. Hey, maybe the husband is willing to do some of the heavier housework like mopping and scrubbing down the bathrooms. Do you need yard maintenance or bookshelves built? He might be very handy to have around!

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48155

What if something goes wrong with the tenancy or the job; you'll never get them out.

It sounds good on paper but it can be a recipe for disaster.