Bedtime - I can't handle it

Posted: Tue, May 26 2009, 1:28 pm Post subject: bedtime - I can't handle it

ok please help me -- I feel like I can't keep control of bedtime - and I end up a zombie and getting really upset at my kids - please help me - I'm going out of my mind from just trying to get a few kids to sleep.

so here's what I do and what happens. We're leaving my 8 year old out of the picture as I let him stay up later and he's usually not a problem.

so bedtime comes and I take the kids into bed and read them a book and say shema. I cover everyone. by then I'm being asked aleady for shema again as I didn't do it good enough. the I leave the room and say goodnight.
At least one kid is already out of bed - then for the next hour it's - I need a drink - they get a drink and back to bed and I have to cover them and say shema again - then bathroom - cover - shema -drink cover shema -- tellling me something imporatnat - then fighting - then this is hurting me - and give me a diaper again or take off the diaper I need to make or drink again -- you get the picture -- anything but staying in bed and I keep covering them and saying shema one last time..

what am I supposed to do ??? please does anyone have this down straight???
I hate yelling at my kids but that's what bedtime has become and I hate it.
I feel like just locking myself and baby in my room.

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48155

Maybe they aren't tired.

Posted: Tue, May 26 2009, 1:32 pm Post subject: re: bedtime - I can't handle it

no they are tired - and on days like this where it takes 2 hours to put them to sleep - they are a total kvetch the next day.

Posted: Tue, May 26 2009, 1:36 pm Post subject:

ok first calm down! we all go thru similar stuff

this is how I do it, maybe some thing will work for you

7:15- anyone want a fruit, a last drink. no food upstairs. no coming down stairs unless its an emergency.

7:20ish, upstairs, brushing, shema, two boys go into their bunkbeds, daughter says good night to the boys, while the boys are getting into their beds, I put my daughter in , say shema, and thats it, short and sweet. I find the long drawn out bedtimes make matters worse.

go back in, kiss each boy, turn on a tape- they listen to the story of yonah, uncle yossi, kivi tuki... different one every night, or sometimes we leave it off and I give each boy a few books. its light, so they read.

lately my son who just turned 4, gets out of bed and says he didnt eat enough, which is not true most of the time, I think hes just lonely. last night I let him have a banana and he went to sleep 5 minutes later. I normally dont let food.

if there is fighting I either say- one of you is gonna have to sleep in the basement- (theres a bed down there, kind of done, but kind of not) and no one wants to be seperated. that usually works.

good luck!!! how old are your kids, are they in the same room?
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Diamond Member Joined: Sep 02 2007 Posts: 2715

We used to have a whole routine for my 4 and 6 year old (for like a year and a half). Each got one parent to read a book, say sh'ma, hamalach, and other songs, etc...And then spend some bonding time talking...This could take up to twenty-25 minutes. And we'd finish and then the kids would start the kvetching, "I need a drink", "My tummy hurts", "I have a rash", "My lip hurts", Blah, Blah, Blah, etc...Recently we have changed the routine by having one parent reading 1 book to both and just saying sh'ma, hamalach, and a bracha. Then I ask if they need a drink because I will not be able to give them one once they are in bed. I then kiss and hug and tell them to go upstairs. They've been pretty good about it but sometimes they need me to follow them and tuck them in. I make it short and sweet. I let them read a bit in bed...The 6 year old still comes out of her room at east 4-5 times with ridiculously annoying ?'s or comments. I am very firm about how now is not the time to talk, that I will wake her up at 7am even if she only falls asleep at 9pm, etc...Based on someone's suggestion here, we are considering giving them each 2 physical passes to hand to us which would allow them to come out of their room only 2x (for whatever pretend reason they have) and then that's it!!!

I don't know how old your kids are and whether they would be receptive to any of the above. I completely empathize with your situation. It can totally drive you nuts.

Diamond Member Joined: Sep 02 2007 Posts: 2715

Posted: Tue, May 26 2009, 1:52 pm Post subject:

my boys are 21 months apart. so when my oldest was around 2, we switched him from the crib to a bed, in the other room, then switched my second a few months later from the cradle to the crib in the empty bedroom. then when oldest was 4 and a bit, transfered the almost 2 year old to the bottom bunk... minimal problems thank g-d.

p.s- sometimes I read bedtime stories downstairs, a few of them- maybe 2-3. my oldest reads now pretty well, so its his chance to read with me if we didnt tackle it during the day.

point is at 7, we are calming down and getting into bed mode without being upstairs. these days they are soo tired from running around outside that they are dragging their tired little bodies up the steps.

Posted: Wed, May 27 2009, 12:51 pm Post subject: re: bedtime - I can't handle it

op here

ok so tried again and I feel like a total failure at motherhood.
my 3 year old is still screaming.

I have a 6 year old, 4 year old, 3 year old , and baby

they keep coming out and wanting to switch beds and my 3 year old chooses this time to have temper tantrums if I don't give her what she wants (like going to sleep with a lollyup and other ridiculous things.)
what should I do???????

Posted: Wed, May 27 2009, 12:58 pm Post subject:

What about a bedtime competition chart? Whoever goes to bed the nicest gets a sticker on the chart. . .whoever gets the most stickers that week gets [insert here].

Positive reinforcement goes a long way!
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Posted: Wed, May 27 2009, 3:39 pm Post subject: re: bedtime - I can't handle it

I find that being VERY FIRM really works. THey can kvetch all they want but once you lay down the rules (just be smart about what they are and realistic - I.e. no food after they are in bed but then make sure they get a drink/snack before they get into bed etc) you DON"T BUDGE. If you give in even once the kids know they stand a chance of whinning long enough to make you do what they want. It sounds mean but it really works and sets a tone in your relationship with them. B'Hatzlacha.

Posted: Wed, May 27 2009, 3:58 pm Post subject:

bedtime works the best if they are tired. if I try to put them to sleep when they are not tired it can drag out for an hour, I have a 2 year old 3 year old and a 5 year old in one room.

I give them sippy cups at night. they also want to go to the bathroom at night.

if they tired they go to sleep really easy. if they walked a lot or went to the park etc. if they didn't do that much its harder to get them to sleep. also light makes a big difference if I start bedtime when its light and they are not tired. forget about it its a zoo. monkeys jumping and swinging etc....

being firm helps. get back into bed shut the light. I don't want to see you out of bed. also rewards for who stayed in bed the whole time and mitzva notes

good luck!

Posted: Thu, May 28 2009, 4:49 am Post subject: re: bedtime - I can't handle it

op here -
I tried a chart but it didn't help.
I think the problem is I'm not firm - but how do you be firm without yelling?
and then what do you do when the kid comes out of bed?
Is it best to totally ignore them?

Senior Member Joined: May 12 2009 Posts: 145 Location: USA

Be firm while using a calm, soft voice. Never, ever, give in, because then you're finished. If they come out, gently lead them back to bed. Make it clear that they can only come out if there's an emergency. If they test you again, repeat the previous. Eventually, they give up.
(I know it's hard--I've had to learn to be more firm. Once they sense vulnerability, you lose!)
Good luck! Very Happy

Diamond Member Joined: Nov 10 2005 Posts: 3401

Posted: Tue, Jun 02 2009, 5:52 pm Post subject:

it has to be when they are tired it is a small window tired just came back from a nap. cranky b/c tired then overtired and hyper. then fall asleep where they are. it takes some adjusting to find out when to get them to bed

Posted: Wed, Jun 03 2009, 2:22 am Post subject: re: bedtime - I can't handle it

op

the problem is they are tired at 5 -- which is too early to go to bed.
by 6 they have a second wind.
I don't know where to stop - I've become stricter because I feel I can't take it anymore but they go to the bathroom each at least 10 times without exaggeration.

by the time they are asleep I'm ready for bed and it leaves me no time.

Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7253

I would stagger the bed times. One at 7, next one at 7:30 and so on.

Also, the rule is one drink, one potty visit and that's it. If you come out again, you get a punishment. These are ones I've used: the door will be locked for five minutes, your favorite dolly will be taken away until tomorrow, you have to sit in the time out room for five minutes, I turn off the night light for five minutes, etc.

Yes, yes, I know some of you think this is harsh and abusive. But my kids are happy and they stay in bed, for the most part, and it works for us. But you have to be consistent.

Gold Member Joined: Jul 09 2006 Posts: 1937

Have you tried sitting in the room while they fall asleep. I need to do that occasionally when they are especially unsettled. When I'm in there, they are quiet and I can sneak out when they're almost asleep.