PLS HELP ME WEAN MY 3.5 YR OLD FROM NIGHTTIME BINGE DRINKING

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 16955

Okay, that title got your attention!

My 3.5 yr old spoiled yummy is still addicted to a gazillion nighttime bottles. it's insane. this was a result of convenience parenting - we never sleep trained him. when he cried, he got a bottle. over the years it's evolved from 1 or 2 bottles to a bottle every 2 hours. sometimes, he cries for no reason, not needing a bottle. unintelligible reasons. we cant undersatnd his sleep induced rambling. sometimes he's afraid of a frog, a mouse, a bird, a fly. sometimes he just cries. we're mega sleep deprived. Dh is going to EY for a week for lag B"omer iyh and I'm terrified of flying solo for a full week,w aking up to 2 kids, sometiems simultaenously. and IYH in the summer I'll be flying solo throughout the week for about six weeks. THIS KID'S GOTTA WEANED NOW.
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So we're starting the process tonight IYH. I expect several totally sleepless nights and hope that after that, we'll be able to sleep like human beings. BUT, can you ladies help me? What do I actually do when he cries for his bottles the first night or two? I dont ignore crying kids, esp when he's addicted through my fault. I'd go in to reassure him - BUT WHAT DO I DO? just say to him, "Shaifele, no more botties?" We explained to him in advance; we promised a bike at the end of all this (and a big boy bed). What are your ideas? How would YOU sleeptrain/bottlwean a 3.5 y.o.?

THANKS!!!

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 10 2006 Posts: 6566

hmm....can you make the bottles (the contents) smaller? and then little by little he will get used to less drinking at night?
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your idea seems like a great one. There is not much more you can do - except learn NOW with the second baby - you gotta sleep train and you have to start early. the longer it goes on the harder it gets!! its never easy, but its much easier in a 6 month old than a 3 year old as you are learning the hard way!!!
make a sticker chart for him or something like that. so that he can SEE his progress every day. IDK how much good that will do in the middle of the night when he is not as with the program as he would be during the day (so he cant logically think - well if I dont cry I will get the promised bicycle), but perhaps if its near his bed, seeing that will help propel him forward??
I think the other part of the answer is though - yes, you gotta let him "cry it out" as you would with a baby to some extent. going in there and saying shaifeleh we discussed this remember? no bottles, is definitely a good option at first, but it should get less and less frequent.
most importantly, dont back down. because that is like the worst thing you can do. meaning, as tough as it is, dont give in to him, its "misplaced" rachmanus. because him seeing that he can win like that will just reinforce the crying!

(ps I think its so cute that he cries like that in his sleep im scared of a mouse or frog.....sorry, I know that keeps u up at night, and B"H our son doenst do that but the way you described it is cute)

Posted: Wed, Apr 22 2009, 9:05 am Post subject:

That sounds tough. I like nj's idea.
Make sure you keep explaining/ reminding him during the day of what will happen at night.
Most important once you tell him the plan do not give in.
What is in the bottles?
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Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 16955

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 16955

SS321, I dont believe in nightweaning a nursing baby less than a year old, but I'll think about it after the summer iyh.

LOL dont ask about his nighttime terrors! theyre terrible! before pesach he was convinced there is a frog in his bed. this week it was squirrels. this kid has a nutty imagination.

We're not backing down this time. dh tried doing this six months ago, but I had a small baby and could not be up all night for nights. It's now or never; there is nothing pressing on the agenda the next 2-3 weeks and my baby is older and sleeping better.

Yes, we've been talking about it for weeks. he doesnt get it... whenI tell him no more bottles he says 'only cups'. he thinks he'll get water in a cup to drink all night. that'll defeat the purpose. maybe at 4 a.m. if he says he's thirsty I'll give him a little in a cup, but not at 11 pm and 1 am and 3 am and 5 am and 6:30 am ad infinitum...
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Posted: Wed, Apr 22 2009, 10:26 am Post subject:

I would cut down on times he gets the drinks. Say you go to bed at midnight. Decide he will not get a bottle between midnight and 5 am. If he wakes then, tell him he will have to wait (maybe the time it gets light is a good cut off point, because he can understand himself). After a few days or so he will (hopefully) get used to sleeping those hours. Then gradually add on hours, say from 11 pm etc, until he can't have all night.

Another idea is to leave some plain water in a (covered - so there won't be a halachic problem of mayim geluim) sippy cup near his bed. He is allowed to take it himself if he is thirsty. This way he doesn't have to call you, he has some control, and he stops being used to (filling) calories, plus looks after his teeth.
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Platinum Member Joined: Aug 12 2007 Posts: 20503

Mama Bear, this is so hard. You are such a loving mother. It's time to get tough. When you say no bottle, mean it! Cold turkey. And tell him he is NOT to wake you at night or you will be forced to keep your door closed. Good chinuch puts you first, before your children and it's never too late for your kids to learn that. But you have to look and sound like you mean it. No more drinks at night and no more waking means as of NOW, no more discussion. The more you discuss it, the more your smart cookie will know how much stronger he is than you.
Do yourself a favor and get some parenting lessons so he and his current and IY'H future sibs don't walk all over you. Life with children gets harder, not easier, as time goes on...

Platinum Member Joined: May 06 2007 Posts: 8521

also with juice? That's going to kill his teeth! You need to just cut him off. No more. You're going to have a few HORRIBLE nights, and it will get better.
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Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 16955

shalhevet, that idea has been tried. last year when I was pg and couldnt handle being up half a night we put four small, 3 ounce bottles in a container in his bed and we finally were able to sleep through whole nights. The babysitter he went to when Mendy was born also weaned him off most of his nighttime bottles; I think he was down to 2 bottles a night. Then he went thru the trauma of me disappearing on him 2 days after he came back home (I was hospitalized for a week, if anyone remembers) and he began waking so often at night and dh just threw bottle after bottle at him. He'd often have six or seven bottles at night. he currently wakes up SOAKED to his chin. He would finish the sippy cup and cry for more. it didnt work.

Tamiri and mimisinger I'm prepared not to sleep for two weeks!!! we're giving this 2 weeks and hope we can see it through.

Gold Member Joined: Jun 20 2005 Posts: 1939

Mamabear, we just weaned our 3.5 year old. It was actually sooo much easier than we thought it would be.

One night there was just no bottle to be found, so we said that's it, we're weaning him. We told him that we couldn't find his bottle and that he could have a cup of milk before he went to sleep.

He took the cup of milk, I read him a few extra stories and B'H he is completely off the bottle. He wakes up so much less during the night now and on the occasion that he does, we offer him a cup of water or milk.

We give him extra attention before bed time and that's it!

pm me if you want

like everyone said watch out for his teeth...my old neighbour in london used to give Ribena a blackcurrant drink and her kids got black teeth.....so gross

nyway I was just wondering y you dont train your children to sleep thru thi nite b4 1???? wouldnt you have a easier time during the day when u sleep straight thru th nite?!?!?!

also when I wanted to take away th bottle from ds I rewarded him with small things - like a candy or matchbox car the next day after about three days he didnt even ask for it (on the bad side he goes to playgrp now and comes home asking for a skippy cup Laughing

)

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 16955

For several reasons.

1. I am not ready to deal with engorgement of 8 hours of not nursing. I get breast infections easily if I dont nurse for hours.

2. My baby is on a lot of solids during the day and doesnt nurse as much. he nurses a lot at night. at least he gets his milk at night.

3. a baby of that age does not understand what you want of him when you keep denying him his night feeds. My baby stands up in the crib and cries. I dont have the heart or patience to force him down to sleep again. It's much easier to just take him out, latch him on, and fall asleep again.

4. I, in particular, am very emotional about the whole nursing issue. I was unable to nurse my first child, and I have no idea if I'll have more children or nurse more children. So what's the rush with nightweaning already??? I doubt, personally, that I'll nightwean my baby before 18 months. I find those night nursing sessions so precious and delicious. It's way better than the squirmy distracted daytime sessions. Theyre warm and soft and cozy and cuddly and oh so happy when they nurse. I love nighttime nursing and certainly am not interested in exchanging it for nighttime screaming sessions of a frustrated baby.

I'm not so upset over my interrupted night's sleep. believe me, I slept like a log for 9 years. I do not mind this. this is my pleasure.

this is not a rule for everyone. I'm talking about my own case.

fair enough!!!!!

I bottle feed exclusively due to no milk supply so I have no idea how it works with nursing babies.....BYH both my kids slept through the night from 10 weeks no crying needed (except on my relieved part!!!!)

Gold Member Joined: Apr 06 2006 Posts: 1192 Location: usa

I couldnt nurse so my kids were also bottle addicts. with my oldest I started giving her only water at night from when she was 3 so that cut down bec she didnt like all water. before that I was giving her mostly water with a little apple juice. when she turned 4 we stopped the bottles and only a sippy cup of water to fall asleep, which weve since stopped due to bed wetting. for a few weeks b4 she turned 4 we would tell her that no more botlles....yada yada. on her birthday we bought her a new sippy cup and there were no botles by day or night. (she would have one or 2 bottles by day as a comfort thing)

with my second we stopped bottles when she turned 3 (which wasnt that long after my oldest turned 4) she was ok with it bec she didnt want to wear diapers to bed and if she had a bottle then she needed a diaper. by day she often sneaks my youngests bottle and drinks it, but at night shes ok. I find that its harder for her to fall asleep and stay in bed though.

my youngest gets a bottle when he goes to sleep and when he wakes up in the am. problem is he often needs a second bottle in the going to sleep process. so I want to start him on water soon. but hes pretty stubborn and to young to explain it to him so that should be frustrating.

For your 3.5 year old, maybe you can give him a bottle of WATER ONLY in the bed, once he's asleep and he can help himself.

Like the idea of smaller and smaller bottles, too.

Its not that he's thirsty, its HABIT.

See if you can get to the website thebabywhisperer.com and they will help you with sleep training without letting your children CRY.

Crying is NOT the only option, in fact, by some people it is NOT an option at all.
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Posted: Wed, Apr 22 2009, 2:49 pm Post subject:

I'm not the OP, but I'm having the exact same problem with my 3-year-old son. Thanks for the ideas given here.

Diamond Member Joined: May 24 2007 Posts: 4623

I have the same problem with my 4 year old daughter but it's with water bottles (I switched to water bottles a few months ago after I found out she had 9 root canals (a bit too late)
In any case I have tried convincing her but by her age I'm going to wait as she will outgrow it - she already vowes every morning not to drink a bottle that night (we talk about how big girls don't drink bottles) but she can't fall asleep without it. My biggest problem is she leaks through the diaper.

With a four year old she's old enough to EARN it. Find something she wants, and let her earn it by "nights without a bottle".

I did that with toilet training with my son and it totally worked at that age.

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 16955

Su7, we did the bottle-in-the-bed thing. 2 hours later, he wakes again and cries for another botlte.